Random Ruminations

Lately one word to sum up my emotional state would probably be confused. Questions like, "Why does God have me here?" "How much time does God desire I spend on learning Japanese and ministering to those in the community, and how much am I to devote to my students and the church and ministering to them?" "What is my role as a woman in the church?" "How can I best honor God in the relationships I have formed here?" have been swirling in my mind for weeks, and there came a point a few days ago when they just felt heavy.

Really I'm a bit of a hypocrite. I always am telling people not to worry, but simply to live following what you do know about what Jesus has called you to. I believe that in Christ there is freedom and I desire for others to realize that, really really realize what that means. But somehow I lost sight of that. I allowed myself to get weighed down by worry that I'm not doing or understanding what Christ has called me to. Part of me still knew that really I just need to trust that as I seek to follow God he will lead, but there was something in me that was telling me I needed to figure it out and that if I didn't I might miss what God is calling me to.

So yesterday I decided to email a professor I had while I was at Biola. One of the things that was holding my thoughts so tightly was this idea that as a women, I needed to figure out what my role was in the church. What do those verses really mean that talk about women in the church? So I email this professor knowing that he studies the Bible in such depth, and really seeks to understand what it means within the context it was written. So I emailed and asked his thoughts. I really kind of thought he would give some sort of really conservative Christian answer, but what he said to me was, that the most important label we have is "Servant of God." That is how we are to live. We are to use the gifts God gave us in whatever way God asks us. The rest falls to the side. I really needed to be reminded of this. We love to label things, and put people in boxes, but that's not how God works.

My current goal, is to stop worrying and just to live as a Servant of God each day.

"Baby, I was born ready...."

I biked to Haneda Airport....here's me at the finish line (though actually the half way point, had to bike home) and here are our bikes by the trail as we took a brief rest.



My dear Aunti, whenever asked if she's ready, always responds, "I was born ready," and that's a mentality that I tend to have. I'm always ready for an adventure. Yesterday this kicked me in the butt. A while ago my friend Drew mentioned that he thought it'd be fun to bike to Sendai sometime and camp along the way. I like biking and I like camping so I thought it sounded like a great idea and promptly told him this. Ever since then we've been dreaming of a fun bike ride and trying to rally a group of people to join the adventure.

Sendai is about 300km from where we live. This means that we need some serious training before we go and now that we both have decent bikes we thought we should give a longer bike ride a shot. So yesterday we had the bright idea of biking down a trail by the river to Haneda Airport. We took some snacks and beverages and hit the road at about 9am. Well Haneda Airport is quite the treck. Turns out it's about 50Km each way. Oh my word! I hurt! But the worst part was not being sore today...it was the ride home. We made it to Haneda just fine, and really the trip was pretty enjoyable, we saw some interesting things along the way like a baseball team of old Japanese men, a guy riding one of the bikes that has a really big front tire and a really little back one, and of course people practicing various instruments in the park. We even got a wave and a konichiwa from a the baseball coach of some young boys, all riding past on their bikes while we had stopped to eat lunch. But after 5 hours to Haneda we weren't exactly itching to hop back on our bikes and ride home. However we had no choice so we climbed back onto our bikes and began the long ride back.

The first hour or two wasn't terrible and we then stopped for a good dinner at Denny's. This was a Denny's like you've never been to. They may have had french toast, but other than that it was fully Japanese, haha. Rice, miso, udon...Anyway the hardest part of the ride, and the part where I thought to myself, "what the hell were you thinking?!" was after that when it was dark, about 6:30 and we still had a good three hours ahead of us. My rear hurt like you wouldn't believe...my bike's saddle is HARD! And my legs were feeling a bit fatigued. Really the worst of it was the time we had left ahead of us and my uncomfortable bike seat. I also now understand why cyclists wear the funny looking clothes. The spandex would have been nice and breathable and easy to move in, not to mention the behind usually has a little extra padding that I would have appreciated.

Anyway, we did make it back at about 10pm. Learned that there are some things you simply were not born ready to do. Taking a 100km bike ride without working your way up to it, is a very bad idea. Although I am thankful that by the grace of God, when I'm really stressed or tired things become very funny, so while my body has been hating me since about half way through the day yesterday, up until the moment I am writing this, there came a point yesterday where I just found everything funny. And really, it was a fun advenute at many points.

I am currently reevaluating the potental 300km bike ride that would also require 300km home and at least six days of what we did yesterday. Maybe once I recover I will be up for training for it. We'll see.

Today was my birthday, still is in the states actually. I felt so incredibly blessed. This morning I was kind of wishing that I was in the states and could celebrate with my friends there, and while I still wish I was close enough to spend time with them, God has provided me with wonderful people in my life here.

The day began wonderfully with God's gift of sunshine (something I do not take for granted....yesterday was raining and freezing cold....so it was a lovely birthday gift). Then at lunch time I was presented with a berry dessert that Belinda, our vice principal, had made for me, taking care to avoid the many foods I cannot eat. After school I went on a bike ride in the sunshine on my new bike with my good friend, and then a large group of us went to dinner. Then....yes the excitement continues, I had fireworks show by the river for my birthday, followed by gifts. You know there are times when you just feel so undeserving. Today was one of the those days, and I am overwhelmed by the love of God and the love of those he's placed in my life.

More Pictures

This is my house.

Me seeing some sights.

One of the sights was a very large Buddha.

I got to hang out with my Japanese brother, Shota.

Pictures

The river...

Someone's garden along a hike we went on.

Two of the other teachers, Josh and Erin, two hiking buddies.

Housemates. Me, Ashley, and Erin.

This is just a little along the walk to the river.

Today I played the piano for the first time in somewhere near seven years. Not sure how I got talked into it, but a few of my friends here want to play some worship stuff and when it was mentioned that I used to play the piano, I was then designated. So today one of the guys thought we should start practicing, handed me some sheet music and was like, alright let's go, so not only did I play the piano for the first time in a long time, but I was trying to sight read the music and play along with my friend as he played the drums or guitar. I must say, I was thankful for his gracious spirit because I'm going to really need some practice, but he didn't make me feel like a fool as I tried to keep up. Actually, lately I've been finding that my music background may be put to use here. I love to sing, although usually just for myself, or as one of many voices in a choir, but people here know I love to sing and I've been asked more than once to help with worship. Not sure what to do with it. I used to really want to do that kind of thing, but there was always someone better who could do it instead, and now I'm not so sure it's something I really want to do, but on the other hand there seems to be a need and I don't not want to do it. I don't know, it's just been odd the way music keeps coming up.

Tomorrow we have a day off for a holiday and I'm looking forward to it. I'm not sure how it is possible that I feel like there is a lot to do for school when I have so few students, but I find that I'm still very busy with making sure I have things ready for class. Last week we had an unexpected holiday because there was a typhoon. It turned out that our area wasn't hit very hard, and the typhoon had pretty much passed by 11:30, but school was canceled and we had the day free. It turned out to be a beautiful day, quite warm and sunny, and after taking some time to just relax and read I decided a bike ride would be nice in the warm weather. So I got a friend to come along and we went on a nice long bike ride by the river. It was really pretty and just what I needed. Sometimes I just need to get away from things and be in God's creation on a bike with the breeze blowing past. It was a lovely release and left me feeling quite peaceful and exhausted.

I also had a Japanese cultural experience this week when I decided to hit the Onsen with one of my housemates, Erin. The Onsen is a hot spring and the Japanese go to bath and sit in the hot spring. The men and women are separate and you go in the nude. Turned out it was quite nice, very relaxing and creates a nice time to just chat. Much like a hot tub without the bathing suit. I really don't know why American's seem to have such a fear of nakedness. The ladies at the Onsen seemed to just come to relax and talk with their friends or family. Anyway that was my cultural experience of the week.

Tonight a very sweet, and very little, old man came to our door with gifts of bread. I was the only one home and felt badly that the only thing I could say to him, was thank you so very much, over and over, and I'm sorry because I couldn't understand him. Ashley had told me before that there was a little man that would sometimes bring things to her and Anna, so at least I knew about him. I've noticed that Japanese people tend to be very sweet and very understanding when I can't speak to or understand them. I've also noticed there are quite a few elderly people in our neighborhood, and at times some of them look very lonely. I hope that I get to a point in my language ability to be able to have little conversations with them, I wish I knew enough Japanese to really sit down with them and get to know them and love on them.

Today was our third day of school. I have 5 students right now and a 6th coming on Monday. I find myself stumbling as I try to figure out what it is to teach such small classes. Some of the things you do in a large class become silly and unnecessary, but that's what I'm used to so this is an adjustment. My students are very sweet though. I have 4 high schoolers and initially found them a little intimidating, but really they are very kind and they really do put effort into class. They are also very quiet. Today was exciting because when I asked a question that was directed at a specific person I they started to speak up more than they had been the last two days. I also have one sixth grader and she is great. She is very willing to ask questions and she puts her own thoughts into the lessons which is cool. Today we talked about elements of plot and I drew Freytag's pyramid and she made a whole little analogy for herself. When the other sixth grader comes I will have to get creative because she is just learning English. I'm going to have to figure out how to keep the one girl challenged and provide a lot of support for the other.

Another tidbit about my life right now, I started a dance class at church last night. I've never really been fantastic at dance, I haven't really done it much, but there is something about music and dancing that I'm really drawn to. It's a such an expression of freedom. Anyway I was excited when I heard my roommate mention wanting to try out the dance class at church, and last night we tried it out. The woman who is the main instructor was very kind to us and patient and encouraging. I definitely didn't get all the moves, but it was a lot of fun, and I was surprised at how some of the exercises we did were similar to the ones in the rhythm and movement class I took in College.

It's been a good first week, but I'm already tired, and I'm looking forward to the weekend.