To Him be All the Glory!

It's my birthday today and I'm reminded of how faithful my God is. I think back to my birthday a year ago. I hadn't been back in the states for very long, was just really getting into Solidarity and getting to know the new friends God had surrounded me with. A year later I'm quite simply, overwhelmed by God's goodness. Each time I think I know His love, each time I think I've experienced His blessings, healing, and freedom, He shows me more. His is infinite and graciously takes me from glory to glory. So for all He has done I give Him praise. Here is to say thank you my loving Heavenly Father for all the blessings of the past year.

He has:
- Freed me from hurts and things that restricted me from experiencing Him more fully with out me even realizing those things had been there hindering me.
- Healed me of food allergies by the power of Jesus.
- Given me a love for time spent with Him.
- Surrounded me with amazing people who encourage each other as we all seek to know His heart.
- Provided for me, and freed me to do what He's asked me to even though it doesn't look like I have a typical job.
- Poured into me so fully that springs of living water have gone through me to the people He has put in my life.
- Freed me from lies of fear and rejection.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom! In Him I find my joy, my peace, my strength, my purpose. Blessed be His name!

Thank you Lord for the things you have done and all You have planned for the future.

Faith is Increasing

This morning I woke up with the tune of the song that goes, “I am not forgotten, I am not forgotten, I am not forgotten, God knows my name,” playing in my head, except the lyrics were, “I will not be broken, I will not be broken, I will not be broken, God knows my name.” It started yesterday, and at first I didn’t realized the lyrics in my head weren’t the normal lyrics, but then I stopped a moment and realized what the words were. I’ve had a number of times in my life when the Holy Spirit has put songs in my mind that once I recognize the song I’m almost subconsciously singing, I can see that God is speaking to me about something that is happening in my life at that time. Yesterday, the lyrics were a declaration of the healing God has just performed in my body. My body is not broken. I am healed.

Almost two years ago I was tested for food allergies, and discovered that there were very few things that I could eat that my body would react to. I had allergies to gluten, eggs, dairy, soy, nuts, and pineapple. Over the last two years I quit eating those things and quickly saw a difference in how I felt. I was able to recognize the reaction my body would have when I would eat those things, or even eat a very small amount of them without realizing it.

Recently I have gone through a process of recognizing God’s power more and more and have come to believe that he wants to heal people. Even so there was this disconnect between other people and myself. Eventually I realized that part of it was an idea that God wasn’t going to heal me from food allergies because my reaction isn’t very visible to other people, so I didn’t think it would bring Him that much glory if I was healed because others would just have to take my word for it, and I wasn’t sure they would. There came a point where God showed me that he wanted to heal me because he loves me. Even with that realization I still couldn’t bring myself to receive the healing He was offering. Every so often my friends would comment that I needed to be healed, and in my mind I would think, “yeah, you’re right, eventually I’ll get there.”

So yesterday I went to Euclid House prayer and near the end we started asking if anyone had things they wanted prayer for. It was about 8am, the time I would normally head out, but I felt like the Holy Spirit was telling me I needed to ask for prayer. So I stayed, but I kept thinking about what to say because I came to the point of realizing that if God is real, and if I believe what he says than I actually have to believe Him and walk it out. I couldn’t muster the courage to ask for prayer to be healed because I knew I had to fully walk in faith and not doubt if I did. So I finally told the group that I believed God could heal, but hadn’t been able to receive healing for myself. I love my friends. They just took my confession that I haven’t been able to receive healing, and they surrounded me, laid hands on me and declared God’s healing of my food allergies. As they prayed I knew that if I believe God to be who He says, then I had to agree with them and then walk as one healed.

After prayer we ate pancakes. For the first time in two years I ate a pancake. I let only declarations about healing come out of my mouth and I ate that pancake believing I was healed. Pre-healed Sara would have felt immediately sick and lethargic after eating a pancake, full of wheat, eggs, and milk, but I felt fine. Later I put milk in my coffee and ate a little cheesecake thing my friend had made, and I felt fine, because I am healed. Jesus healed me. What’s even better is that not only did He heal me from reactions I have when I eat those things, He also healed me from the everyday, not so great feeling that I didn’t even realize I had. When you’re allergic to as many things as I was allergic to, you get small quantities of them without even realizing it. I didn’t even recognize that overall I hadn’t been feeling very good until now, having been healed and feeling even better.

I feel like God is teaching me what it is to have faith. I thought I had faith before, but in the last few weeks He has shown me that I spoke of faith, and at moments I exercised it, but I didn’t really walk a life of faith. I think many Christians talk about faith, but we will only have faith in things that we can picture how they would happen. God’s ways are higher. He can do far beyond what we can even imagine. If I don’t believe God for those things and walk in a lifestyle of faith, what’s the point? That is where I’m at right now. It’s a little nerve racking because if I believe God for things that He will have to do the supernatural for, that means that my worldly mind would suggest it’s possible I will be disappointed and they won’t happen. But if I allow myself to let that keep me from exercising faith for things that are supernatural, then what is the point in following God at all, I’m no better off than if He weren’t my God. I have to choose to believe.

to begin again

I’ve spent the last week and a half settling in to my new home. Yesterday I finally took the last few things out of my bag and put them away in my room. It is strange to think that I have arrived at a home that isn’t in some way temporary. I have no idea what the future looks like and where God will lead, but for right now this is where He has me and my settling in. When I was at Biola I always planned to move back to the Northwest, and then in Japan I planned to move back somewhere after the year, but this time, I’m just here, waiting and resting for whatever God has planned. A couple days ago I went to the DMV to change my car registration and driver’s license. The guy at the registration counter told me I would need to surrender my Oregon plates to the lady at the other window. I laughed a little to myself as I thought about what he’d just said to me. For the fiver years prior to Japan, I never would have considered surrendering to California. But here I am, and I find it quite exciting.

I still don’t have a full time job, but there are very few moments when this actually worries me because God has proved to be so faithful in my life, and in bringing me here that it seems ridiculous to question why I don’t have a full time job yet. I do have a part time tutoring job that I’m thankful for, and I’m trusting that God will provide something so that I can pay my bills. I have this feeling that He’s also providing me with a lot of time that He’ll put to use as well. Who knows.

Speaking of provision, I don’t know that I ever mentioned how I’m living exactly where I’d hoped to live, but where up until a month or so before I moved back, there wasn’t a spot for me. It’s been an adjustment being back here in a totally different place from where I was before when I lived here, but it’s been really good. When I went to visit Oregon before moving down to California, it felt so incredibly normal, it was like Japan had been some sort of dream, but here it feels unfamiliar, like life really is changing and it’s exciting.

I live in a neighborhood that's predominantly Latino and so far I love it. There is a lot of life here. Lots of kids around and neighbors outside playing music. It’s kind of fun in that in some ways it feels like my experience in Japan and in some ways it’s opposite. The lively music is part of the opposite feeling from quiet Japan, but feeling a little like a minority and hearing people not speaking English feels similar to Japan, in a good way. It gives me an odd sort of feeling of comfort. I feel a little out of place, but that feeling feels normal to me.

I think one of my favorite things about being back, aside from just getting to settle in and feel kind of grounded, not like I’ll be up and leaving soon, is getting to reconnect with friends. Of course we’ve all changed a bit over the last year, but some of my fears of how it would be trying to reconnect, are gone. I’ve felt quickly accepted back into the group, even by those new people that are now friends of my friends. I thought I’d miss the adventuring I did all the time in Japan, but there are adventures to be had here as well. It’s been especially nice to have some time while looking for work, to just be. Not have work, and not having internet at my house, has given me the chance to slow down a bit. I’ve enjoyed being able to read and journal without the temptation to waste time on the computer. And I’ve had the chance to meet up with people without having to worry about a work schedule. I think that pretty soon this much time won’t be so enjoyable, but I’m believing that God’s going to provide things to do with my time so that I won’t have to worry to much about getting restless.

Anyway, I just thought this blog was long overdue. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I begin life here, serving God and loving people. Pray for a source of income to pay my expenses, pray that I’ll be able to love those that God has placed around me, and pray that God would direct as I want to be a support for the ministry my friends are a part of in the neighbor (solidarityrising.org).

Spirit Week

Pajama Day...
Crazy hair day...

It is the last week of school at Grace Christian International School. When Ashley suggested a fun backward themed day we all jumped on board and declared a spirit week for our final time with the students. Today students came in walking backward with their uniforms on backward. We set up the chairs for chapel facing the back of the room and have had quite a lot of fun making as many things backward as we can think of. Personally I came to work with my shirt and jacket on backward and my hair pinned the opposite direction as usual. I'm thoroughly enjoying the opportunity to let my inner crazy teacher out...actually my students would probably tell you that it's not an inner crazy so much as an outer crazy...haha. I have fun. The spirit week will continue with a crazy hat/hair day, pajama day, and imitate a teacher day.

As the school year comes to a close I find myself with very mixed feelings. While the year has had its challenges, and I've had to adjust to a totally different teaching setting from what I'm used to, I am so thankful for the way that God has allowed me to be a part of my students' lives. Today I had the students write evaluations for me, and they were kind enough to offer suggestions for future classes, but I was also so encouraged by positive comments they made, showing me that indeed, God has used me to be a blessing in their lives. Not only have they learned skills and ideas related to Language Arts, but their characters have been impacted throughout the year. I will certainly miss my students.

When the school year is over that will put me at only 39 days of Japan left. I can't believe it. I feel like time has flown by, but I also feel like I've been here for ages and there is a certain familiar feel to life that will be missed when I leave. I can't wait to be back with some of my friends in the states, and am looking forward to eating Mexican food, sitting in a coffee shop with a book, and laying out on the beach, but I will miss the friends I have made here, the river near my house, the easily obtained sushi, and the feeling of accomplishment after successful communication to someone who can't speak English.

Too eclectic...untitleable...

I've had an enjoyable last few days. Not too long ago, it was actually warm outside. Now, I'm not sure what temperature now tells my body I'm warm, but I do know that I was outside without my jacket! It was amazing! Oh, these long winter months, I'd forgotten the feeling of the warm sunshine on my skin. A couple friends and I rode our bikes to the river and then just walked around soaking up the warmth. I couldn't stop smiling. Sunshine makes me happy. It was also rather interesting because there was one spot near the river where there had been a small homeless community. There were fort-like structures, mostly collapsed, made out of logs. It actually reminded me a lot of the beach in Oregon that my family visits. When I was a kid, I'd build forts out of driftwood. But these weren't forts to play in, they were homes. It's interesting here because a lot of times I hear about how the Japanese homeless are different. I hear that they didn't really used to exist before the economy crisis, or how some of them prefer homelessness because there are fewer demands and less pressure, or something like that. I'm not sure what I think of this. Maybe it is true. Maybe returning to a simpler way of life is what homelessness can be here, and indeed some prefer to be homeless. Maybe, but I'm not so sure. It is possibly that a small percentage of the homeless just decided one day to be homeless and escape the typical cares of the world, but I have a feeling that the majority did not choose to be homeless. When I saw this deserted community, my heart broke, and what I saw was a connection in humanity. U.S. or Japan, there are the same struggles and the same pain.

Back to happy thoughts, yesterday was some sort of national holiday. I'm not sure what was celebrated; all I know is that I had the day off. It was superb. I slept in a bit, though not so late that I felt I'd wasted my morning, and then I just got some work done for the online class I'm taking. The house was quiet, and the work wasn't too difficult. I then decided it was time to bring back the old coffee shop way; the coffee shop way in which I buy a cup of coffee and then sit at the table for hours with a book or a friend or both and just slow down and relax. The other day I complained to my friend about the lack of coffee shops here and how it was going to be detrimental to my study habits in my class because that is simply how I study, and my friend reminded me that there is a coffee shop/bakery in the department store near our house. So I took my roommate and my book and spent a few hours mostly chatting, little reading actually occurred, in this peaceful place filled with the aroma of fresh bread and coffee. It was delightful. However, the coffee wasn't very good.

The second part of my holiday involved a concert in the city. One of my friends is hugely into music, randomly breaks out into song all the time, songs of various genres mind you, and he told me he was going to a concert with a group of friends. Deciding this sounded like a fun Japanese experience, I didn't even bother to ask what type of music and agreed to go along. Back when I lived in Portland I had a couple friends I used to go to small concerts with. We'd go see the bands that were something unique on their way to becoming cool. The venues were always small, you could usually hang out and talk with the band after if you wanted to, and it was a lot of fun just being in that atmosphere. The concert yesterday was something similar except with a bit of Japanese flair. There were four or five bands, mostly falling under some sort of rock/punk category. The place was small, and terribly smoky, and a lot of fun. There was a band with a singer who'd had a bit too much sake, and a drummer that wasn't wearing normal attire, and there was an all girls punk (I think that would be the way to describe them) band whose lead singer was both hard core and very joyful at the same time who spit her water on everyone. Interesting variety. None of the bands were ones I'd listen to just for the heck of it, but they were great concert bands, providing music sufficient to let yourself get a bit lost in. I'd forgotten how much I enjoy an occasional concert like this.

On a totally different note, I started a class online a couple weeks ago. I've been surprised at my feelings of enjoyment. Last semester was the first semester I've not take a class, since I think I was about five. Being away from academic demands was very good, but also allowed me to realize that I actually do like to have a little structure that forces me to learn and process through information. There is also something to be said for taking a class that I actually have time to really invest in it, not to suggest I'm not still a terrible procrastinator. I've never taken a class that was not accompanied by other classes and all sorts of other business. It's a new experience. This class ought to be particularly interesting because it's a classroom research class. This is also my last class to be done. Woo hoo!

Let's see, some last thoughts. God is pretty much amazing. Blessed...I feel blessed all the time. I also tend to feel confused and uncertain and frustrated and torn, but underlying it all is a feeling of peace and hope and blessing. I have a very faithful God. He takes care of me. Not in the typical American dream style, but I think simply his gift of hope is a way that I'm taken care of. Also, it's been pretty cool being at Grace church and school and being able to invest in the youth of both places and coworkers, church members and friends. Sometimes God allows me insight on someone's life, either through them sharing or just general insight, and this usually leaves me feeling quite humbled. Being someone that somebody else allows in and allows you to carry maybe just a small part of their burden is a kind of gift. I'm so undeserving, not sure what made God allow me to take this role at times. Blessed. I am blessed.

Holidays in Hamamatsu

So a month or so after I arrived in Japan I realized that the environment I'm in isn't really conducive to really learning Japanese. I speak English all day with my students, many of the church members speak English, and my housemates speak English. I realized that I'd need to be in a different setting to really be immersed in Japanese. So when my friend Drew told me about a church he'd been connected with in Japan that had some cool stuff going on and was very culturally Japanese and filled with mostly Japanese speakers I decided that I wanted to spend some time there to get immersed in things Japanese. I ended up spending a large part of winter break at this church in Hamamatsu. After two and a half weeks as a part of the Hamamatsu church family I am now back at my house. My time in Hamamatsu was so much more than I had expected and has left me feeling unable to express how deeply it impacted me.

All I had really wanted was a place to listen to Japanese and a place to be during the holidays so that it wouldn't feel so lame being away from my family, but what I got was graciously welcomed into a church body that is so full of life and joy. I don't even know where to begin. I guess I will just try to give some little snipits from my time, though I doubt it will do it justice.

My friend Josh and I both went to try to learn some more Japanese. We were greeted by Drew’s friend Shion, the son of the pastor of the Hamamatsu church. While we were there we actually spent time at two churches, one in Hamamatsu and one in Nagoya. When we were in Nagoya we helped Shion with English classes he teaches, and we participated in the Christmas party for the English students. This was one of I think 5 Christmas parties we attended while there. While we were at the other church we participated with the international people small group, and we basically helped out wherever they needed help. We also spent 4 days at a New Years camp with the church.

Some highlights from my time with the church:

*I love mochi and while I was there I got to help make mochi. You have to pound the hot mochi rice and then make it into little balls. It was so fun and later, I think it was on New Years, we had a mochi lunch with all different kinds of mochi.

*Shion showed us around Nagoya and we went to the aquarium and saw a dolphin show. This was followed by a little shopping and then a short break in a coffee shop. The coffee was delicious, but the best part was just sitting down with a couple friends, enjoying good conversation over a nice cup of coffee. They don’t really have coffee shops in the area I live, and this was a treat.

*I stayed in a very Japanese style hotel for New Years camp. The room I was in I shared with 5 other ladies and it was a big tatami room (the rooms with the grass mats).

*I was given Japanese citrus fruit from the Nagoya pastor and his wife and told to put them in my bath. I was told, mostly through charades and a little translation from Shion that I am to fill the bath at 44 degrees Celsius, crush the fruits in the bath and make sure to splash it on my face as well so that my skin can still be so beautiful when I am 90 as the pastor’s mothers skin. He was poking her face at this point to show me how beautiful it is. So I took a hot relaxing, citrus fragranced bath.

*I got to talk with people from Japan, Brazil, the Philippines, Peru/New Zealand, and China. We did church together and as a people from various nations and languages, we praised Jesus together in Japanese.

*God blessed me with my own room and a western style bed to fall into at the end of the day.

*Many of the church members gather every morning at 5:30 to pray together. Many of the days I went out of a feeling of obligation, but I was always really glad I was there and it was a great way to start the busy days.

*I ate an unbelievable amount of really delicious Japanese food. I tried nato and fish eyes, and about every other imaginable Japanese dish. I was in a constant state of fullness.

My favorite part of the trip was being welcomed into the church family. During the last morning prayer meeting the pastor called us up to have us share a little with the group, and to pray for us. He then told us that we were to consider that church our home base in Japan and told us that we always were welcome to come visit whenever we had a chance.

The church is so full of life, passion, and joy, and I felt myself being refreshed as I lived in that environment. The pastor had been spending time teaching about humility and how we need to be willing to tear our hearts, tear the old wine skin, so that we can receive the new wine skin, the blessings. I saw a group of people who had faith that indeed it would be better if they humbled themselves. In a shame-based culture, where people usually do what they can to avoid bringing any shame to themselves or their families, people were standing before the church repenting and exposing their weaknesses and mistakes. Men were standing up and weeping before their church family apologizing to their wives for becoming so hardhearted after loosing their jobs. It was so incredible to be a part of and I felt overwhelmed that I was allowed in. It’s hard enough to stand before those you know, but I was welcomed in as family. I was not treated as a visit, I was engaged and loved.

There were a number of times when I felt completely overwhelmed with gratitude to the Lord. Before I came to Japan, as I was trying to decide if I should actually come, there came a moment when I realized that there was nothing holding me back except fear. I was even totally aware of what I was afraid of, but I was able to say I was coming when I felt they Lord was telling me he would provide, financially, relationally, etc. He has been so faithful, and I realize that spending the Holidays in Hamamatsu was a part of that. I don’t think I even realized how much I was in need of being refreshed and revived, but I did and that was how God provided. He put me in a place where I was praying every morning; where I was witnesses people being free from shame, and sin, and fear; where I felt very genuinely cared about and loved; where I got to feel completely excited about the work that God is doing in that church.

I enjoyed talking with Emasan and receiving hugs from her. I loved that when her husband spoke of the troubles they’d faced the last year and apologized to her and the church, the Lord was gracious to me and allowed me to sit next to a woman I’d only known for two weeks and put my arm around her and share in the moment. I enjoyed the 1 ½ long car rides from Hamamatsu to Nagoya where I got to talk with Shion and hear about how the Lord has taught him as he’s lived in the US and returned to Japan, and hear about the cool stuff the church is doing. There is always something happening at the church. There are people that live at the church that were once homeless and now have come to know Christ. They have been given back a sense of dignity and are serving the Lord. There are people who work in the mornings but then attend Bible classes at the church every afternoon. Every week the church members seek to bring church to those who can’t or wont attend on Sundays and they go out into homes reaching nearly 1000 people who wouldn’t be connected to the church otherwise.

I know that I have done a poor job at given a good representation of my time in Hamamatsu. Much is left out, and some probably doesn’t really make sense, but I was so blessed to be there, and am so thankful. God is so very good.

A few last thoughts. Being away from what has become normal life in Tokyo I had the chance to reflect a bit. I realized that I still don’t know exactly why the Lord has me in Japan, but at least a part of it has to do with people, and putting various people in my life, and me in theirs. I want to be careful that I honor that purpose and am intentionally showing Christ to those I’m with. God also reminded me of what he’s given me passion for and I think he’s giving me direction about where he wants me next year, and partly what he wants me doing.

Please pray with me that God would continue to guide me. That he would give me strength and motivation to make the best of this year. Pray that I would have vision for what God is setting before me for next year.

I also have been very burdened to be praying for an organization my friends are a part of in California. I’d love it if you’d partner with me to pray for Solidarity (solidarityrising.org). The organization is committed to living out Christ in a community that Christians often shy away from. Within a community dealing with gangs, violence, poverty, and broken homes, they are seeking to practically show Christ’s love. Pray for them, that the Lord gives them strength and favor to continue doing His work.