がんばって

Back when I was in middle school and part way through high school I was really quite reserved. I've never liked to call myself shy, but I was certainly more quiet and reserved than I am now. When it came time to stand in front of the class and give a presentation my nerves always got the best of me. With bright red face, sweaty palms, and rapid speaking I'd make it through. I always knew that really in the long run it didn't matter, but I couldn't convince myself of this enough to really calm down.

Somewhere along the way on this journey toward adulthood, I broke through they shyness. Sure I'm still rather quiet, but I'm not all that shy...I just don't feel the need to fill space with talk all the time. I'm incredibly thankful for how God has changed me to make me less self conscious and more confident. During my last year of undergrad I had to take a communications class. If I had taken that class freshmen year, I would have hated it, but by the time I got around to taking it I realized that one it didn't matter if I made a fool of myself, and two I could do a decent job of speaking in front of people.

Today I somehow reverted to my old self. Japanese class intimidates me like none other. Today we gave speeches in Japanese. When I woke up this morning I thought to myself, it doesn't matter. I will stand confidently before the class and stumble through the Japanese with grace, I am an adult and I no longer have to get nervous about these things. A few hours before class began I lost control of these logical ideas and became incredibly nervous. I had practiced enough to know I could read all the words, but my short two page speech took me nearly 10 minutes to read through! There was a realization that I would be standing in front of a silent class, slowly stumbling through words that some class members could breeze through.

Walking into the classroom I kept reminding myself to take deep breathes, it would be over before I knew it and would have no greater impact on my life. I tried to grasp the fact that it really didn't matter in life even if I completely botched the whole thing and bored the class to death. I sat down at the table and tried to relax. A kind Japanese woman, a teacher, sat next to me and tried to make conversation. Then my Japanese/Spanish speaking friend from church walked in. He doesn't attend class, but his dad does and I guess he came to watch. I couldn't decide if this was good or bad... on the one hand he would witness me working on my Japanese...whenever he asks me what I learned in Japanese class I have no response because I don't have the language skill in Japanese or Spanish to tell him. On the other hand, he would be witness to me stepping into the shoes of a child stumbling through their phonics book. Ashley, Drew, and Josh witness this every Wednesday, and then we talk in English and they are still aware that I'm an intelligent human being. It's humbling when you have no way of demonstrating intelligence through language and there are times when you simply must let whatever assumption about you be what it is.

After a painful waiting period the speeches began. We went around the room and I was near the end. I listened to some speak with ease and others struggle. When it came to me I didn't feel quite as intimidated, but still could not keep my face from flushing a raspberry red, or my hands from shaking my papers. The beginning of my speech went pretty smoothly and then it was simply a matter of forcing myself forward. My mind would start to tell me that I wasn't going to make it, that I'd forget how to pronounce the word, but I wouldn't let myself dwell on it and just kept reading regardless of if I said something a bit funny. I made it to the end, sat down, and allowed all my muscles relax into a state of utter exhaustion.

Today I spoke more Japanese than I ever have in my life. I said coherent sentences though I'm not certain of the meaning of some. This was an accomplishment.

Being humbled is healthy. Character building I think. I'm glad I gave the speech, and I think I'm even glad the experience felt so humbling.

My speech!

Our class book of everyone's speeches.

Holidays in Hamamatsu

So a month or so after I arrived in Japan I realized that the environment I'm in isn't really conducive to really learning Japanese. I speak English all day with my students, many of the church members speak English, and my housemates speak English. I realized that I'd need to be in a different setting to really be immersed in Japanese. So when my friend Drew told me about a church he'd been connected with in Japan that had some cool stuff going on and was very culturally Japanese and filled with mostly Japanese speakers I decided that I wanted to spend some time there to get immersed in things Japanese. I ended up spending a large part of winter break at this church in Hamamatsu. After two and a half weeks as a part of the Hamamatsu church family I am now back at my house. My time in Hamamatsu was so much more than I had expected and has left me feeling unable to express how deeply it impacted me.

All I had really wanted was a place to listen to Japanese and a place to be during the holidays so that it wouldn't feel so lame being away from my family, but what I got was graciously welcomed into a church body that is so full of life and joy. I don't even know where to begin. I guess I will just try to give some little snipits from my time, though I doubt it will do it justice.

My friend Josh and I both went to try to learn some more Japanese. We were greeted by Drew’s friend Shion, the son of the pastor of the Hamamatsu church. While we were there we actually spent time at two churches, one in Hamamatsu and one in Nagoya. When we were in Nagoya we helped Shion with English classes he teaches, and we participated in the Christmas party for the English students. This was one of I think 5 Christmas parties we attended while there. While we were at the other church we participated with the international people small group, and we basically helped out wherever they needed help. We also spent 4 days at a New Years camp with the church.

Some highlights from my time with the church:

*I love mochi and while I was there I got to help make mochi. You have to pound the hot mochi rice and then make it into little balls. It was so fun and later, I think it was on New Years, we had a mochi lunch with all different kinds of mochi.

*Shion showed us around Nagoya and we went to the aquarium and saw a dolphin show. This was followed by a little shopping and then a short break in a coffee shop. The coffee was delicious, but the best part was just sitting down with a couple friends, enjoying good conversation over a nice cup of coffee. They don’t really have coffee shops in the area I live, and this was a treat.

*I stayed in a very Japanese style hotel for New Years camp. The room I was in I shared with 5 other ladies and it was a big tatami room (the rooms with the grass mats).

*I was given Japanese citrus fruit from the Nagoya pastor and his wife and told to put them in my bath. I was told, mostly through charades and a little translation from Shion that I am to fill the bath at 44 degrees Celsius, crush the fruits in the bath and make sure to splash it on my face as well so that my skin can still be so beautiful when I am 90 as the pastor’s mothers skin. He was poking her face at this point to show me how beautiful it is. So I took a hot relaxing, citrus fragranced bath.

*I got to talk with people from Japan, Brazil, the Philippines, Peru/New Zealand, and China. We did church together and as a people from various nations and languages, we praised Jesus together in Japanese.

*God blessed me with my own room and a western style bed to fall into at the end of the day.

*Many of the church members gather every morning at 5:30 to pray together. Many of the days I went out of a feeling of obligation, but I was always really glad I was there and it was a great way to start the busy days.

*I ate an unbelievable amount of really delicious Japanese food. I tried nato and fish eyes, and about every other imaginable Japanese dish. I was in a constant state of fullness.

My favorite part of the trip was being welcomed into the church family. During the last morning prayer meeting the pastor called us up to have us share a little with the group, and to pray for us. He then told us that we were to consider that church our home base in Japan and told us that we always were welcome to come visit whenever we had a chance.

The church is so full of life, passion, and joy, and I felt myself being refreshed as I lived in that environment. The pastor had been spending time teaching about humility and how we need to be willing to tear our hearts, tear the old wine skin, so that we can receive the new wine skin, the blessings. I saw a group of people who had faith that indeed it would be better if they humbled themselves. In a shame-based culture, where people usually do what they can to avoid bringing any shame to themselves or their families, people were standing before the church repenting and exposing their weaknesses and mistakes. Men were standing up and weeping before their church family apologizing to their wives for becoming so hardhearted after loosing their jobs. It was so incredible to be a part of and I felt overwhelmed that I was allowed in. It’s hard enough to stand before those you know, but I was welcomed in as family. I was not treated as a visit, I was engaged and loved.

There were a number of times when I felt completely overwhelmed with gratitude to the Lord. Before I came to Japan, as I was trying to decide if I should actually come, there came a moment when I realized that there was nothing holding me back except fear. I was even totally aware of what I was afraid of, but I was able to say I was coming when I felt they Lord was telling me he would provide, financially, relationally, etc. He has been so faithful, and I realize that spending the Holidays in Hamamatsu was a part of that. I don’t think I even realized how much I was in need of being refreshed and revived, but I did and that was how God provided. He put me in a place where I was praying every morning; where I was witnesses people being free from shame, and sin, and fear; where I felt very genuinely cared about and loved; where I got to feel completely excited about the work that God is doing in that church.

I enjoyed talking with Emasan and receiving hugs from her. I loved that when her husband spoke of the troubles they’d faced the last year and apologized to her and the church, the Lord was gracious to me and allowed me to sit next to a woman I’d only known for two weeks and put my arm around her and share in the moment. I enjoyed the 1 ½ long car rides from Hamamatsu to Nagoya where I got to talk with Shion and hear about how the Lord has taught him as he’s lived in the US and returned to Japan, and hear about the cool stuff the church is doing. There is always something happening at the church. There are people that live at the church that were once homeless and now have come to know Christ. They have been given back a sense of dignity and are serving the Lord. There are people who work in the mornings but then attend Bible classes at the church every afternoon. Every week the church members seek to bring church to those who can’t or wont attend on Sundays and they go out into homes reaching nearly 1000 people who wouldn’t be connected to the church otherwise.

I know that I have done a poor job at given a good representation of my time in Hamamatsu. Much is left out, and some probably doesn’t really make sense, but I was so blessed to be there, and am so thankful. God is so very good.

A few last thoughts. Being away from what has become normal life in Tokyo I had the chance to reflect a bit. I realized that I still don’t know exactly why the Lord has me in Japan, but at least a part of it has to do with people, and putting various people in my life, and me in theirs. I want to be careful that I honor that purpose and am intentionally showing Christ to those I’m with. God also reminded me of what he’s given me passion for and I think he’s giving me direction about where he wants me next year, and partly what he wants me doing.

Please pray with me that God would continue to guide me. That he would give me strength and motivation to make the best of this year. Pray that I would have vision for what God is setting before me for next year.

I also have been very burdened to be praying for an organization my friends are a part of in California. I’d love it if you’d partner with me to pray for Solidarity (solidarityrising.org). The organization is committed to living out Christ in a community that Christians often shy away from. Within a community dealing with gangs, violence, poverty, and broken homes, they are seeking to practically show Christ’s love. Pray for them, that the Lord gives them strength and favor to continue doing His work.

Bringing back the Macarena

I just got home from the holiday party for my Japanese class at the city hall. The teachers there are incredibly nice, they all volunteer to teach, and we had a great time. When I arrived they had set up the tables so that there was one huge long table we all sat around and there was lots of delicious Japanese food. Sushi, tempura, soba, pocky...yum.

Each week I go to lessons, I meet with the same teacher, Wada Seinsei. We go through a text and every so often she will try to just have a conversation with me, but she does best with the text. She's a very nice lady. There is also another teacher, Fukashima Sensei, who has been Ashley and Drew's teacher for a while. I've had her teach me a couple times and her method is basically talking to you with lots of charades and repetition until you know what she's saying and can answer her question. The two teachers are good friends and a lot of fun. Fukashima Sensei has a lot of energy and doesn't hesitate to give Drew a good shove if he's being ornery or continuing to use bad grammar. She's also been know to jump over or climb under the table to get to the other side.

Now that you have a little picture of our teachers, let me tell you that I did the Macarena with Fukashima Sensei tonight. She is always trying to break me out of my shyness in Japanese language and will enthusiastically try to converse with me. Tonight she was asking me questions about singing and some other things because she saw me with the church at the city festival and I sang with them. I also danced, and I think seeing me do these things let her know that I'm not so shy overall, just with Japanese and new people. Anyway, she wanted me to sing for the group, which I kindly refused. Then someone turned on music. It happened to be the Macarena and Fukashima Sensei started doing the dance in her chair. Then she looked to me and said something, and then looked to Ashley to help me understand what she was saying. Ashley informed me that she really wanted me to get up and dance with her. And so I did. We danced the whole song in front of the class. It is LONG. She enjoyed every minute of it and really got into it, and I enjoyed it as well, mostly because I was dancing the Macarena with my super cool Sensei. A few others joined in and we had quite the fun time.

The night was completed with some BINGO and prizes for all. Oh and I forgot to mention introductions. Haha. I have a new appreciation for when teachers make the new kids stand up and introduce themselves when they don't really know English. I felt like an idiot. All I really said was, "My name is Sara." I didn't know how to say anything interesting and was too flustered to say the phrase for nice to meet you. And so I stood there mortified having said my name and not having a clue what else to say. They are all so kind though and they asked me my hobbies and where I was from. Fukashima Sensei helped me and so did Ashley, so it turned out ok.

It was a fun night. I ended up speaking Spanish more than Japanese, sitting by a Peruvian man who attends our church. Sometimes I talk to his son in Spanish...well I try, and so he knows I know a little and we small talked in Spanish. It's very odd to feel relieved when the Peruvian comes and sits by you and you think, "oh phew, someone I can kind of talk to."

This coming week I'm headed to Hamamatsu. The thought behind this is to have a cultural Christmas and New Years, and to be around people that can't speak English so I can listen and learn more Japanese. I'll be there for about 2 1/2 weeks so hopefully I can pick up on a few things and have some time to study my Japanese.