Walking as a Woman

I wrote a while back that I'd take you on a journey with me to discover what it is to be a woman of God. I didn't exactly take you on my journey. This is partly because the time to write just hasn't been there, but partly because the way God does things are different then I tend to expect.

I'd sensed from the Lord that this time around I wasn't supposed to avoid figuring out what is really menas to be a woman. I assumed that meant He'd involve me a lot in the process of revealing it to me. So I obediently have been asking God to give me revelation, been looking in the Scriptures, been seeking out Godly women, and God's been showing me things. All of a sudden I'd be reading my Bible and God would show me things about women. I read about Samson and Delilah and was struck by the influence a woman can have and realized that while Delilah used it in a corrupt way, if that same influence was used to build up a man and spur him on toward what God has for him, it'd be super powerful. I read 2 John and realized it was written to an elect woman of the church. All sorts of stuff is being revealed to me, but I'd been trekking along on the journey, trusting God is transforming me, and then I have a conversation and become aware that I thoroughly consider myself a woman.

I sat with my friend talking about how we tend to consider certain milestones entrance into adulthood and she was considering this in her own life. As we talked I started to realized that I was viewing our conversation through the lenses of someone who considers herself no longer a girl but a woman. I smiled to myself at the realization because God is so good, I hadn't even realized He'd done it.

It wasn't a certain verse I read. It wasn't revelation about what it means to be a woman and realizing I fit into it. My view of myself as a woman was solidified when I recognized what God is calling me to. I have an assignment that can't be completed by a girl. I have a responsibility that only a woman can carry. The things God is calling me to forces me to walk as a women, and the cool thing about it, is that if the assignment is given by God that means that He's saying, little girl, the time has come, walk as the woman I say you are. When I agreed to walk in the assignment, without realizing it, I was also setting aside the girl in me and fully embracing the woman God has risen up in me. I wish I had better words to explain the gravity of this and how awesome it is.

I watched the movie 300 not that long ago. Not normally a movie I'd watch, but my friend was telling me the spiritual implications they saw in it and I wanted to see for myself. Connecting the concept of Spartans to the army of God is a little bit nuts and really pretty eye opening. The elements of unity and focus are impactful. Something I've considered a lot after watching though, was the woman that the queen was. Her strength. Her priorities. Her prominence. Her job could not be done by a girl, she has to walk as a woman, there's no room or time to be a girl. Too much was at stake and her role was too important. That's kind of how I feel. It's a privilege really. We've been given assignments by the Lord. He's entrusted us and He declares we are able and makes us sufficient for the task.

The life God has called me to, and the season He has me in, is one where there is no room for playing around (I am not saying it's not fun or exciting. God has set me free and it's fantastic, not to mention God's way is exciting, exhilarating, and full of joy). Here there is no room for trying out my own stuff. There is no room for compromise. If I want to see the fullness of God, if I want to fulfill the assignment, if I want to live the abundant life, it's all about doing exactly what God says and literally letting Him direct every step. God is so incredibly faithful!

It's time to be a woman

For some time now I've had an aversion to doily coated women's meetings. I've never wanted to sit with a group of women sipping tea, painting my nails, and talking about shopping and homemaking. The roots of my aversion are varied, everything from feeling it to be surface level, to not feeling like I have common interests in these settings, to the unspoken feminist messages Portland fed me growing up. After twenty six and a half years of being content avoiding these events and discussions, being satisfied simply knowing I am His and my main role in life to to bring glory and honor to God, He has invited me on a journey that involves learning my role specifically as a woman of God.

In the past when I'd come up against an idea about a female's role, I would become frustrated hearing everyone's differing opinions on the topic, and in the end I would settle on, I don't care, I just know I'm His and I will do what He tells me. However, this time I'm confronted with the concept that men and women are not only different, but have different roles and the Lord is asking me to let Him tell me what that means and how He designed it. So I'm holding onto Him with white knuckles, bracing myself to have a paradigm shift. Already He's confronted some deep rooted issues I didn't even realize I had in me.

As I'm beginning this journey I began to pay attention to the ladies around me and I began to do some reading. What I've found so far is that most woman think they know what it means to be a woman (like I have thought myself) when in reality, few of us can articulate it or back it up with depth of scripture. Society, including Christian culture, has just told us things that we've unknowingly sucked in and accepted.

So I thought I would take you on this journey with me as I'm certain is will be at least a little life changing for me and I'm confident the Lord will reveal things. To start off let's just throw out some things I'm quite certain about and looking forward to gaining more revelation on.
 1. There is something about a woman's strength that is different than a man's and has a different purpose.
 2. God desires a gentleness and meekness in a woman that brings a certain kind of power and transformation.
 3. Something about what God's innately put in woman that allows them to mother.
 4. some other stuff that isn't coming to mind at the moment.

Second, God's already confronted some things in me that I didn't realize were there. So let's take a little look at some of the messages I was fed from a feminist society in the city I grew up in.
 1. Women can and should do anything a man can do.
 2. To desire only to be married and have a family is weak and demeans women, as women are capable of anything men are capable of.
 3. Women should be able to think like a man, and should not be overly emotional.
 4. Women and men do not have different roles based on their gender, they lead lives differently only because they are unique individuals.
 5. Women are strong.
 6. I'm sure there are way more but those are some that come to mind right off hand.

Now understand that I grew up in a godly home with parents that have a good marriage. My mom stayed at home with my brother and I and I have always regarded her as someone who is incredibly intelligent and capable. I never questioned the decision for her to be home raising my brother and I. I also see her as an incredibly influential woman. She has impacted, to a very great degree, a huge number of lives from relatives, to neighbors, to church goers, to friends, to people she pretty much just picked up off the street.

However, despite these things I have come to realize that there are lies deeply rooted in me that I haven't even realized were there. For example, the lie that woman are just as strong as men in the same way men are strong. Being told I couldn't do something because I was too weak was incredibly offensive to me. So I heard a godly women comment about her being the weaker one in her marriage and found myself completely taken back. She wasn't saying this in a way to devalue herself in any way. (Now realize I believe woman have strength, but it's different than a man's strength). So I began to question my strong reaction to the comment. Why am I offended when a man or woman suggests I shouldn't carry a heavy box because I'm a woman? I started to look at the facts. I'm five feet tall. My thigh is about the thickness of some men's biceps. Even a small man is generally quite a bit bigger than me. Hmm. It seems that I am "weaker." And yet it is SO hard for me to accept. When I come to something that I find hard to accept I tend to default to, well I just need to let the Lord speak to me (generally a very good default). But I was horrified as I realized how deeply rooted this lie was as I asked myself, what if God tells me that women are weaker, can I receive this from the Lord. Oh have mercy on me Lord. It took a process of me receiving God's grace to receive what He wants to tell me, to be ok with accepting this. Even now I'm not yet to a point where I won't have to remind myself to not be offended if a guy graciously tells me not to carry the heavy box. I share this particular example because it is one that I find most ridiculous when I really think about it. It shouldn't be hard for me to accept that my five foot self is naturally not as strong as most men. (The problem is that society had connected the lie to a lie about value and worth...but I won't go into that at the moment.)

Despite how obnoxious it is to realize the stupid lies that I hadn't realized infiltrated my life, I'm excited to let the Lord teach me about being a godly woman. Because in much lesser extremes, I see that most Christian woman have excepted things from society that weren't from God. I want to be confident in who God says I am, and I want to be open to whatever that is. You see I'm excited because I've had a taste of the freedom that comes with knowing the role that God has created for you and only having to worry about fulfilling that role instead of trying to fulfill all sorts of roles that others try to put on you. I've seen this play out in other areas of my life, but I've even had a chance to taste it in being a woman.

 While I was in Japan I had a southern guy friend. As I got to know him I immediately realized that his perception of men and women was different, and he was treating me out of his understanding of who men and women are. I took it as a cultural difference, and after fighting my feminist inclinations initially in our friendship, I began to just let it be his culture and go with it. I didn't take offense when he told me to carry the light box because I wasn't that strong. He used those words, but somehow they rolled off because I deemed them cultural, but really more so because I knew that in his mind they made me no less valuable or capable.

 In retrospect I found a lot of freedom in that friendship because I was not expected to be a man, or understand a man, or fend for myself because I'm just as capable as a man and don't need a man. I was free to have emotions. I was free to let myself be looked out for and have the heavy objects carried for me. I was free to not try to prove myself just as valuable and capable. There were defined differences, that were simply differences and suggested nothing about my worth or ability. I don't know how to explain the freedom that this brought. Because I just received it as a culture difference to accept, I was able to experience a taste of the freedom that comes from understanding what my role is.

 So now I journey with the Lord to let Him reveal to me who He has created me to be. I let Him give me my value and worth based on who He is and what He's given me, not based on me at all. I let Him show me the lies the have seeped in unknowingly and be set free by His truth. Should be a fun journey.

Freedom and Obedience

When I was 17, I remember being on the plane flying back to the U.S. from London after a summer long mission with Royal Servants. I sat next to one of my teammates and told them that I didn't ever want to become complacent. I feared settling into the typical American lifestyle and just getting comfortable, unwilling to follow God into the unknown or risky. At the time, I didn't have a clue the journey God would take me on out of my desire to follow Him. That's not to say it's been easy. Each time God directs or redirects, my faith grows as I see His faithfulness yet again, but there is certainly a laying down of one's own will in the midst of it.

I've been wanting to write about what God's taught me about obedience for some time now, but it is so deep in my heart I find it really difficult to articulate in anyway that makes sense outside of my own head. I'm quite confident that one of the greatest gifts that God gave me when I was in Japan, was teaching me that there is freedom in obedience. Freedom. I had had no idea. I always assumed that obedience felt like bondage.

This lesson took a year of experiences that were lessons in dying to myself. (And they continue still.) It sounds painful. It is. The thing is, though, that when Jesus said that we must die to ourselves to be alive in Him, He meant it. I thought being alive in myself was good enough, but it turns out, being alive in Christ is unexplainably better.

We never know what the future holds. The idea that I can plan a better life, or even day rather than letting the all-knowing God plan it for me is really quite silly. You see, if I believe that my God loves me and He knows the beginning to the end, past, present, and future, then it would only make sense that I'd follow His direction instead of my own. When I obey the things He tells me to do, I never have to worry. This isn't because things aren't hard or challenging, it's simply because if my loving God told me to do it, it is therefore better than any alternative thing I could have done. He knows everything and has my best in mind. I can know that even if what I am going through is really difficult, there is something about it that is better for me or those around me than if I had done something else. I don't have this guarantee if I try to follow my own way.

Hmm, this is frustrating...I genuinely don't know how to explain the things God has put in my heart about this all. Maybe I can give you an example. I guess I can start with that which God used to really start teaching this to me.

Three years ago I moved to Japan. None of it made sense. I'd never considered even visiting Japan, I thought I wanted to teach in a secular urban setting but really was questioning if I wanted to teach at all, and I would be working at a tiny private Christian school. I knew no one there. I wouldn't be making much money. Etc. etc. The only thing I knew was that something in my spirit felt that God was telling me to move to Japan. It was simply a matter of obedience (not to say there wasn't a part of me that was excited for an adventure). So I obeyed. I couldn't see how any part of it connected to the other passions God had put in my heart. What I knew was that if God said it, it was better than the plans I could've made. Turns out the year allowed me space to rest, provided friendships that were of a caliber that completely transformed the way I view friendships and relationships, and provided space to be with God in a way that I hadn't made time or space to do in the past. I didn't even know I needed those things before I left, and hardly recognized them happening while I was there, but they have changed the rest of my life. I don't do life the same any more. They were preparation for all the other things God has for me.

As I was in Japan I rested in the confidence that God brought me there and didn't try to figure out the whys. That's part of the freedom of obedience to God. If I plan, I have to figure out why I'm doing each thing, but if I follow what God's said, I can simply trust His instruction, goodness, and faithfulness.

One more example and then I'll just trust that whatever it was you were supposed to grasp as you read this, you did.

While I was in Japan I had a friendship that was unique. Just the way it all turned out, my friend and I both recognized that we needed to only be friends to the capacity God instructed. It was one of the most impactful friendships I've ever had. I knew that I had to hold onto it loosely and allow God to direct however He wished because there was too great a possibility of me messing things up if I tried to take control or hold on too tightly. I didn't trust myself with it. The cool thing was that because I sought God in it, I was free to be friends in the way God directed and not worry about anything because I know God is trustworthy. It also allowed for the friendship to be seasonal (this is something else God's taught me about throughout my life as He's shown me that often He places people in our lives for seasons for specific reasons and it's ok that they are only seasonal). It allowed me to not grieve when I moved back to the States, and let the friendship dissolve in many ways as I felt God told me it was seasonal (not to say we don't stay in touch a bit, but it's much different from when I was in Japan). I was and am free because God has shown me that He is trustworthy and when I obey Him I have nothing to worry about. He loves me so much.

I hope that made a little sense. Dying to myself is hard. When I was in Japan my journal was filled with entries where I'd note something "a lesson in dying to myself." God constantly asked to have things that I wanted to hold onto and asked me to just trust Him. Every single time I obeyed, He was faithful. It get's a little easier to trust after seeing so many times of faithfulness, but it's taken a lot of initial risk to find out my God really is as faithful as the Bible promises.

Sunburns in October

It was beautiful day yesterday, but a bit warm for October. Starting out in jeans, shoes, and sweatshirt quickly turned into jeans, sandals, and tank top and that was still a bit warm for the blazing sun! Anyway, aside from that and the mild sunburn I got, it was a wonderful day. I got kidnapped for a birthday day yesterday morning by my dear friend Meg and taken to the beach to talk, pray, and be with Jesus. Was an excellent start to the day. We sat together on the beach dreaming of the things God has for us as we reflected on His incredible faithfulness to us thus far. Even in our very friendship, His goodness is so clearly displayed. When I first met her I never really believed we'd stay life-long friends, but God has blessed us as He's changed each one of us so significantly in the last couple years and drawn us together to a relationship that seems most accurately described as a Jonathan and David sort of relationship. I am so grateful, there aren't even words, God has blessed me so much! The day went on with a picnic in the park with some more friends God has blessed me with, a time of blessings, and the night finished off with an awesome event called Rhetoric, where a bunch of spoken word artists share their stuff. Such a good day.

I was thinking though about birthday blessings. It's a tradition among our group of friends to share things we appreciate and then things we pray blessing of over the birthday person. This year I found myself humbled as people shared at birthday blessing and also in cards I was given. It is only by God's grace that people can share the way they see God in me, and the way God has used me in their lives. I am thankful for the blessings spoken over me, but there was also an unspoken blessing behind it all -- the blessing of being used by God. I realized that God has already and continues to bless me in such a huge way as He allows me to speak into people's lives. It is such a great privilege to share God's love and truth and then hear your friends talk about the ways you've impacted them. I am so humbled. I love them all so much and they have so greatly impacted my life that I'm just totally humbled to hear them share things that I've meant to them. Truly, it is only by God's grace. It is only because of what He has put in me. It is only because of the freedom He's given me, the prayers he's answered, the truths He's confirmed to me, that I have anything to offer or any love to give. It's a bit weird to be acknowledged for things that were only gifts given to me. It's nothing of myself. I am so grateful. God is so very very good to me.

Thank you all for such a lovely birthday celebration, and for being such wonderful friends!

To Him be All the Glory!

It's my birthday today and I'm reminded of how faithful my God is. I think back to my birthday a year ago. I hadn't been back in the states for very long, was just really getting into Solidarity and getting to know the new friends God had surrounded me with. A year later I'm quite simply, overwhelmed by God's goodness. Each time I think I know His love, each time I think I've experienced His blessings, healing, and freedom, He shows me more. His is infinite and graciously takes me from glory to glory. So for all He has done I give Him praise. Here is to say thank you my loving Heavenly Father for all the blessings of the past year.

He has:
- Freed me from hurts and things that restricted me from experiencing Him more fully with out me even realizing those things had been there hindering me.
- Healed me of food allergies by the power of Jesus.
- Given me a love for time spent with Him.
- Surrounded me with amazing people who encourage each other as we all seek to know His heart.
- Provided for me, and freed me to do what He's asked me to even though it doesn't look like I have a typical job.
- Poured into me so fully that springs of living water have gone through me to the people He has put in my life.
- Freed me from lies of fear and rejection.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom! In Him I find my joy, my peace, my strength, my purpose. Blessed be His name!

Thank you Lord for the things you have done and all You have planned for the future.

Faith is Increasing

This morning I woke up with the tune of the song that goes, “I am not forgotten, I am not forgotten, I am not forgotten, God knows my name,” playing in my head, except the lyrics were, “I will not be broken, I will not be broken, I will not be broken, God knows my name.” It started yesterday, and at first I didn’t realized the lyrics in my head weren’t the normal lyrics, but then I stopped a moment and realized what the words were. I’ve had a number of times in my life when the Holy Spirit has put songs in my mind that once I recognize the song I’m almost subconsciously singing, I can see that God is speaking to me about something that is happening in my life at that time. Yesterday, the lyrics were a declaration of the healing God has just performed in my body. My body is not broken. I am healed.

Almost two years ago I was tested for food allergies, and discovered that there were very few things that I could eat that my body would react to. I had allergies to gluten, eggs, dairy, soy, nuts, and pineapple. Over the last two years I quit eating those things and quickly saw a difference in how I felt. I was able to recognize the reaction my body would have when I would eat those things, or even eat a very small amount of them without realizing it.

Recently I have gone through a process of recognizing God’s power more and more and have come to believe that he wants to heal people. Even so there was this disconnect between other people and myself. Eventually I realized that part of it was an idea that God wasn’t going to heal me from food allergies because my reaction isn’t very visible to other people, so I didn’t think it would bring Him that much glory if I was healed because others would just have to take my word for it, and I wasn’t sure they would. There came a point where God showed me that he wanted to heal me because he loves me. Even with that realization I still couldn’t bring myself to receive the healing He was offering. Every so often my friends would comment that I needed to be healed, and in my mind I would think, “yeah, you’re right, eventually I’ll get there.”

So yesterday I went to Euclid House prayer and near the end we started asking if anyone had things they wanted prayer for. It was about 8am, the time I would normally head out, but I felt like the Holy Spirit was telling me I needed to ask for prayer. So I stayed, but I kept thinking about what to say because I came to the point of realizing that if God is real, and if I believe what he says than I actually have to believe Him and walk it out. I couldn’t muster the courage to ask for prayer to be healed because I knew I had to fully walk in faith and not doubt if I did. So I finally told the group that I believed God could heal, but hadn’t been able to receive healing for myself. I love my friends. They just took my confession that I haven’t been able to receive healing, and they surrounded me, laid hands on me and declared God’s healing of my food allergies. As they prayed I knew that if I believe God to be who He says, then I had to agree with them and then walk as one healed.

After prayer we ate pancakes. For the first time in two years I ate a pancake. I let only declarations about healing come out of my mouth and I ate that pancake believing I was healed. Pre-healed Sara would have felt immediately sick and lethargic after eating a pancake, full of wheat, eggs, and milk, but I felt fine. Later I put milk in my coffee and ate a little cheesecake thing my friend had made, and I felt fine, because I am healed. Jesus healed me. What’s even better is that not only did He heal me from reactions I have when I eat those things, He also healed me from the everyday, not so great feeling that I didn’t even realize I had. When you’re allergic to as many things as I was allergic to, you get small quantities of them without even realizing it. I didn’t even recognize that overall I hadn’t been feeling very good until now, having been healed and feeling even better.

I feel like God is teaching me what it is to have faith. I thought I had faith before, but in the last few weeks He has shown me that I spoke of faith, and at moments I exercised it, but I didn’t really walk a life of faith. I think many Christians talk about faith, but we will only have faith in things that we can picture how they would happen. God’s ways are higher. He can do far beyond what we can even imagine. If I don’t believe God for those things and walk in a lifestyle of faith, what’s the point? That is where I’m at right now. It’s a little nerve racking because if I believe God for things that He will have to do the supernatural for, that means that my worldly mind would suggest it’s possible I will be disappointed and they won’t happen. But if I allow myself to let that keep me from exercising faith for things that are supernatural, then what is the point in following God at all, I’m no better off than if He weren’t my God. I have to choose to believe.

Fear Not

I think one of my greatest sins may be my tendency to allow fear to creep into my life. I look at God's faithfulness in my past, I look at His word, and I see that there is absolutely no reason for me not to trust him, and yet I find myself once again moving in fear.

Many of you now know of my plans for this coming year. While I have thoroughly enjoyed being in Japan and am confident that it was where God wanted me for this time, I feel led back to Southern California this coming fall. After moving to Japan I came to a place where I seriously considered the possibility of a God calling me to this place long term, but what I ended up with was a very strong sense that this was meant to be only for a short time. The Lord has been preparing me for some time to be in a place where I can be a voice for those not usually heard--a voice of hope, a voice of unity, a voice of love--and at this point God seems to be suggesting that that place is in Southern California. So it is with confidence in God's direction that I begin to prepare for the transition back. Initially I felt excitement. My last year in SoCal the Lord proved faithful as he provided for me in school, work, and relationships. It wasn't until then that I had ever even considered staying in SoCal.

When I left for Japan, I left believing that the Lord would provide for me here. I wasn't sure of my financial situation, and I wasn't sure I'd make substantial friendships, but I chose to trust. I now sit utterly overwhelmed by God's provisions. Exceeding, abundantly, beyond what I can ask or imagine is what Ephesians says. I think I understand a little of what that means. I have hardly been lonely here at all, having people that are always here to listen and process with me. That's more than I can say for many periods of my life, where I learned to count loneliness as a bit of a blessing that forces me to hold tightly to Jesus. I am supposed to be making pennies, but again, God has provided for me beyond my expectations, and allowed me to take what he gives and share. I've said it before, but the words just don't do this justice...I am SO very very blessed!

So how is it that I can find myself in this place again, this place where I fear what is to come? I doubt my ability to fulfill what God is calling me to, and I fear I will not find again the blessings God has given. A few days ago it just hit me that eventually I am leaving. All of a sudden there was this weight of sadness realizing all that I will leave here. There are friends here that simply won't ever be replaced. There is excitement and adventure here that is specific to this place. I have felt a peace and rest that I hadn't experienced in a long time and I doubt my ability to find it when I return. But how foolish I am to think that after all this, all this preparation, that God would just leave me to suddenly fend for myself. Yes it will be different, and in a sense I will need to start over, but the only thing that has made this experience so sweet, is God's presence in it. I must choose to trust that the Lord will continue to provide for me. I must trust that even if things turn out completely differently from any of my expectations, that is only for the better because if God is in control and leading, there is nothing better I could be doing. And so I will choose to release my fears and wait in excitement for whatever is next.

Now comes major fear number two. As much as I fear disappointment in the areas I already mentioned, a fear that I find much more difficult to release is a fear that I will not be able to fulfill what God is calling me to. I have always been drawn to students that other teachers would like to give up on. I desperately want to convince students of their worth and capabilities. I want them to experience love in a way that they never have. I want them know me as someone who refuses to give up on them because I care too much about them to let anything, even themselves, get in the way of them recognizing their value. I want to say this to the kids that don't hear it, in the schools so many teachers avoid. God has also spent the last several years revealing to me the depths of prejudices and racism in the US and I want to be a voice of unity and reconciliation. I want people to see that the love of Jesus does not divide or judge, it unifies and forgives. So as I've come to realize my need to return to SoCal, I also realize that when I return I must live intentionally. I don't want to just settle into a life of comfort an ease, I want to live a life like Jesus did. This idea seems nice. Whoopdeedoo. I can be an inspiration. Ha! See I have this vision and then I also see reality, and then the devil takes the reality I see and haunts me.

I question my ability to persevere through challenges. I question my ability to be heard as a genuine caring voice when my face screams white privilege, misunderstanding, and judgment. And I just flat out question my ability to be the teacher I want to be. Just a few days ago I was filling out part of an application for a school and when I asked a colleague for input, he pointed out how my answers didn't show a lot of faith in myself. That is because faith in myself is lacking. This isn't because I have failed in similar difficult situations in the past, it is just because I had let in all these stupid lies. The last couple years have been spent choosing to trust the Lord in various situations and reciting to myself that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. Man, I'm such a fool. If indeed I'm being called to work in these areas, then God will provide what I need, and if I do fall flat on my face, it is only because He has something else in mind and needed me to experience whatever kind of failure for some other reason.

Anyway....fear it's a sin I fall into. I'm tired of it. I am not to worry, He will provide, for His strength is made perfect in my weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly when I face trials of many kinds. When I am weak, then He is strong!

Holidays in Hamamatsu

So a month or so after I arrived in Japan I realized that the environment I'm in isn't really conducive to really learning Japanese. I speak English all day with my students, many of the church members speak English, and my housemates speak English. I realized that I'd need to be in a different setting to really be immersed in Japanese. So when my friend Drew told me about a church he'd been connected with in Japan that had some cool stuff going on and was very culturally Japanese and filled with mostly Japanese speakers I decided that I wanted to spend some time there to get immersed in things Japanese. I ended up spending a large part of winter break at this church in Hamamatsu. After two and a half weeks as a part of the Hamamatsu church family I am now back at my house. My time in Hamamatsu was so much more than I had expected and has left me feeling unable to express how deeply it impacted me.

All I had really wanted was a place to listen to Japanese and a place to be during the holidays so that it wouldn't feel so lame being away from my family, but what I got was graciously welcomed into a church body that is so full of life and joy. I don't even know where to begin. I guess I will just try to give some little snipits from my time, though I doubt it will do it justice.

My friend Josh and I both went to try to learn some more Japanese. We were greeted by Drew’s friend Shion, the son of the pastor of the Hamamatsu church. While we were there we actually spent time at two churches, one in Hamamatsu and one in Nagoya. When we were in Nagoya we helped Shion with English classes he teaches, and we participated in the Christmas party for the English students. This was one of I think 5 Christmas parties we attended while there. While we were at the other church we participated with the international people small group, and we basically helped out wherever they needed help. We also spent 4 days at a New Years camp with the church.

Some highlights from my time with the church:

*I love mochi and while I was there I got to help make mochi. You have to pound the hot mochi rice and then make it into little balls. It was so fun and later, I think it was on New Years, we had a mochi lunch with all different kinds of mochi.

*Shion showed us around Nagoya and we went to the aquarium and saw a dolphin show. This was followed by a little shopping and then a short break in a coffee shop. The coffee was delicious, but the best part was just sitting down with a couple friends, enjoying good conversation over a nice cup of coffee. They don’t really have coffee shops in the area I live, and this was a treat.

*I stayed in a very Japanese style hotel for New Years camp. The room I was in I shared with 5 other ladies and it was a big tatami room (the rooms with the grass mats).

*I was given Japanese citrus fruit from the Nagoya pastor and his wife and told to put them in my bath. I was told, mostly through charades and a little translation from Shion that I am to fill the bath at 44 degrees Celsius, crush the fruits in the bath and make sure to splash it on my face as well so that my skin can still be so beautiful when I am 90 as the pastor’s mothers skin. He was poking her face at this point to show me how beautiful it is. So I took a hot relaxing, citrus fragranced bath.

*I got to talk with people from Japan, Brazil, the Philippines, Peru/New Zealand, and China. We did church together and as a people from various nations and languages, we praised Jesus together in Japanese.

*God blessed me with my own room and a western style bed to fall into at the end of the day.

*Many of the church members gather every morning at 5:30 to pray together. Many of the days I went out of a feeling of obligation, but I was always really glad I was there and it was a great way to start the busy days.

*I ate an unbelievable amount of really delicious Japanese food. I tried nato and fish eyes, and about every other imaginable Japanese dish. I was in a constant state of fullness.

My favorite part of the trip was being welcomed into the church family. During the last morning prayer meeting the pastor called us up to have us share a little with the group, and to pray for us. He then told us that we were to consider that church our home base in Japan and told us that we always were welcome to come visit whenever we had a chance.

The church is so full of life, passion, and joy, and I felt myself being refreshed as I lived in that environment. The pastor had been spending time teaching about humility and how we need to be willing to tear our hearts, tear the old wine skin, so that we can receive the new wine skin, the blessings. I saw a group of people who had faith that indeed it would be better if they humbled themselves. In a shame-based culture, where people usually do what they can to avoid bringing any shame to themselves or their families, people were standing before the church repenting and exposing their weaknesses and mistakes. Men were standing up and weeping before their church family apologizing to their wives for becoming so hardhearted after loosing their jobs. It was so incredible to be a part of and I felt overwhelmed that I was allowed in. It’s hard enough to stand before those you know, but I was welcomed in as family. I was not treated as a visit, I was engaged and loved.

There were a number of times when I felt completely overwhelmed with gratitude to the Lord. Before I came to Japan, as I was trying to decide if I should actually come, there came a moment when I realized that there was nothing holding me back except fear. I was even totally aware of what I was afraid of, but I was able to say I was coming when I felt they Lord was telling me he would provide, financially, relationally, etc. He has been so faithful, and I realize that spending the Holidays in Hamamatsu was a part of that. I don’t think I even realized how much I was in need of being refreshed and revived, but I did and that was how God provided. He put me in a place where I was praying every morning; where I was witnesses people being free from shame, and sin, and fear; where I felt very genuinely cared about and loved; where I got to feel completely excited about the work that God is doing in that church.

I enjoyed talking with Emasan and receiving hugs from her. I loved that when her husband spoke of the troubles they’d faced the last year and apologized to her and the church, the Lord was gracious to me and allowed me to sit next to a woman I’d only known for two weeks and put my arm around her and share in the moment. I enjoyed the 1 ½ long car rides from Hamamatsu to Nagoya where I got to talk with Shion and hear about how the Lord has taught him as he’s lived in the US and returned to Japan, and hear about the cool stuff the church is doing. There is always something happening at the church. There are people that live at the church that were once homeless and now have come to know Christ. They have been given back a sense of dignity and are serving the Lord. There are people who work in the mornings but then attend Bible classes at the church every afternoon. Every week the church members seek to bring church to those who can’t or wont attend on Sundays and they go out into homes reaching nearly 1000 people who wouldn’t be connected to the church otherwise.

I know that I have done a poor job at given a good representation of my time in Hamamatsu. Much is left out, and some probably doesn’t really make sense, but I was so blessed to be there, and am so thankful. God is so very good.

A few last thoughts. Being away from what has become normal life in Tokyo I had the chance to reflect a bit. I realized that I still don’t know exactly why the Lord has me in Japan, but at least a part of it has to do with people, and putting various people in my life, and me in theirs. I want to be careful that I honor that purpose and am intentionally showing Christ to those I’m with. God also reminded me of what he’s given me passion for and I think he’s giving me direction about where he wants me next year, and partly what he wants me doing.

Please pray with me that God would continue to guide me. That he would give me strength and motivation to make the best of this year. Pray that I would have vision for what God is setting before me for next year.

I also have been very burdened to be praying for an organization my friends are a part of in California. I’d love it if you’d partner with me to pray for Solidarity (solidarityrising.org). The organization is committed to living out Christ in a community that Christians often shy away from. Within a community dealing with gangs, violence, poverty, and broken homes, they are seeking to practically show Christ’s love. Pray for them, that the Lord gives them strength and favor to continue doing His work.