Before we left for Sri Lanka, I was warned, you will be asked to preach when you are in Sri Lanka. I've "preached" to teens and kids, but to an entire church congregation...sounded a bit daunting. I was reminded that the Lord tells us the Holy Spirit will give us words at the hour we need them.
As the first Sunday approached I began to feel a bit nervous. A few days ahead of time our team was given our speaking assignments (this in itself is a bit a of a trip...we are treated so well by the church members and they graciously want almost all of us speaking to various congregations on Sunday). Initially I was not given an assignment, but remembering the stories from my friend who came on the first trip, I mentally prepared myself to get a last minute assignment and that was what happened. I was asked to speak to the youth. I was told this on Saturday afternoon and so preparation happened that night. Earlier in the day the Lord showed me what He wanted to speak to them, but as I began to actually outline I eventually felt the Lord tell me to just stop and let it be simple. He gave me a couple verses to share and I knew He'd have to fill in all the rest when the time came. I didn't know how long I was supposed to speak so I knew it was up to the Holy Spirit to give me words anyway. That Sunday morning came and I was given an hour to speak to a small group of youth. I shared what the Lord put on my heart from 1 Peter 2:9 that they have been chosen and they are royal and holy. I told them to let God define them and the Lord directed me as I spoke for an hour.
I don't know if it was my willingness to let the Lord use me or simply His grace and love for me, but since that morning I haven't felt nervous at all as different speaking opportunities (or maybe better named assignments) have come up. I recently read in Acts where the apostles asked for boldness and the Holy Spirit came on them and filled them with boldness. The Lord is filling me with boldness and I have a new confidence to speak to people. The confidence isn't at all about my ability, it's rooted in recognizing God wants to speak through me and He can use me if I'm submitted to Him. So since that first Sunday I've had a few more opportunities to speak. One was sharing a short word with a group of church leaders, the next was preaching at a house church, and just today I gave a message at a church conference. All of these have been so humbling. I know myself. I know my own ability. I know that what is coming out is from the Holy Spirit. He is using me through my willingness to be used, but it is humbling to see people sitting in the congregations listening to me speak to them. Me. I'm not a "preacher," but the Lord is using me to preach (so maybe now I am a preacher? haha). I don't know how to explain it. I don't feel worthy to stand before a group of church leaders and speak to them. I don't feel worthy to preach to a house church and have everyone in the congregation ask for me to pray for each of them, including the pastor and his ministers. I don't feel worthy to stand before a congregation at the church conference and be one of the session speakers. But it's not about what I feel. It's about what God says....kind of like what I told the youth. I must let God define me and use me based on His definition. He says I'm worthy because He has made me worthy. I'm worth listening to because He fills me with words. I carry His presence and am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. I am His servant and proudly carry His name, doing His work. When you see that it has little to do with you or what you have to offer, but it's about what God can do with your willing heart and the things He's already put in you, it's fun. I'm having fun and feeling incredibly blessed as I get to minister to God's people in Sri Lanka. My God is so very very good!
So cool today too, I spoke about freedom. I told the congregation that God's freedom is so much bigger than what we know and He wants us to be free. I told them He's already paid for our freedom and freedom goes far beyond just having forgiveness. He died that we could have abundant life and He has freed us from be bound to sin. We are no longer bound. We are free. As I spoke I realized that my speaking was a testimony to what I was sharing. Not so long ago I would have been so nervous to stand before those people and bring God's word. I'm not sure I would have had the courage to do it. It is because of the freedom the God has brought me into that I could confidently stand before these people and declare to them that God paid for their freedom and wants them to live free. So cool.
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