I’ve been smiling all week because of God’s faithfulness and love in His healing. Tonight I began to realize an even deeper level of that. I was sitting at dinner with some friends and a couple of them hadn’t heard much about what had happened so they were asking about it and as I began to recall what had happened on Tuesday during prayer, some of the others who had been there were telling parts of the story. My friend Diego mentioned how I had said that I wanted to be prayed for for healing because I was ready and had the faith to receive it, and I stopped him to correct him. I told him that wasn’t how it happened. I tried to explain my thought process and how I didn’t feel like I did have enough faith so I intentionally didn’t say that because I knew once we prayed for my healing I had to have faith to walk in that healing or I’d be calling God a liar considering I felt that He’d been revealing to me in His word that his will is healing. Diego wouldn’t hear it, he kept saying that that wasn’t what I said, that he was certain what he heard was me say that I had faith to be healed. We finally arrived at the recognition that, indeed, that is what he heard, but that was not what I said.
Diego was so certain, and heard me so clearly, that his thoughts were filled with excitement as he’d been one of a small group of people waiting for me to be ready to receive healing. His immediate response to me Tuesday was “finally” followed by prayer declaring healing over my body. I am convinced that the Holy Spirit spoke to him, having him hear something different from what I said, knowing that just as Diego heard me say I had enough faith, that really The Holy Spirit knew I did, but the cool thing was that for those who heard me say what I’d actually said, they were praying for my faith to increase, so any lack I had was being filled. The Lord knew I needed that extra shove into a walk of faith. He knew that my friends wouldn’t pray as boldly had they believed I didn’t yet have the faith to receive healing. The Holy Spirit allowed me to have that extra shove into a walk of faith, friends boldly praying over me for healing, and friends praying for increased faith all at the same time. It was the combination I needed to receive the healing that Jesus was offering. I continue to be in awe of God’s love for me. He loves me, oh how He loves me!
“In that day you will ask in My name, and I do not say to you that I will request of the Father on your behalf; for the Father Himself loves you, because you have loved Me and have believed that I came forth from the Father.” John 16:26-27 (NASB)
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Faith is Increasing
This morning I woke up with the tune of the song that goes, “I am not forgotten, I am not forgotten, I am not forgotten, God knows my name,” playing in my head, except the lyrics were, “I will not be broken, I will not be broken, I will not be broken, God knows my name.” It started yesterday, and at first I didn’t realized the lyrics in my head weren’t the normal lyrics, but then I stopped a moment and realized what the words were. I’ve had a number of times in my life when the Holy Spirit has put songs in my mind that once I recognize the song I’m almost subconsciously singing, I can see that God is speaking to me about something that is happening in my life at that time. Yesterday, the lyrics were a declaration of the healing God has just performed in my body. My body is not broken. I am healed.
Almost two years ago I was tested for food allergies, and discovered that there were very few things that I could eat that my body would react to. I had allergies to gluten, eggs, dairy, soy, nuts, and pineapple. Over the last two years I quit eating those things and quickly saw a difference in how I felt. I was able to recognize the reaction my body would have when I would eat those things, or even eat a very small amount of them without realizing it.
Recently I have gone through a process of recognizing God’s power more and more and have come to believe that he wants to heal people. Even so there was this disconnect between other people and myself. Eventually I realized that part of it was an idea that God wasn’t going to heal me from food allergies because my reaction isn’t very visible to other people, so I didn’t think it would bring Him that much glory if I was healed because others would just have to take my word for it, and I wasn’t sure they would. There came a point where God showed me that he wanted to heal me because he loves me. Even with that realization I still couldn’t bring myself to receive the healing He was offering. Every so often my friends would comment that I needed to be healed, and in my mind I would think, “yeah, you’re right, eventually I’ll get there.”
So yesterday I went to Euclid House prayer and near the end we started asking if anyone had things they wanted prayer for. It was about 8am, the time I would normally head out, but I felt like the Holy Spirit was telling me I needed to ask for prayer. So I stayed, but I kept thinking about what to say because I came to the point of realizing that if God is real, and if I believe what he says than I actually have to believe Him and walk it out. I couldn’t muster the courage to ask for prayer to be healed because I knew I had to fully walk in faith and not doubt if I did. So I finally told the group that I believed God could heal, but hadn’t been able to receive healing for myself. I love my friends. They just took my confession that I haven’t been able to receive healing, and they surrounded me, laid hands on me and declared God’s healing of my food allergies. As they prayed I knew that if I believe God to be who He says, then I had to agree with them and then walk as one healed.
After prayer we ate pancakes. For the first time in two years I ate a pancake. I let only declarations about healing come out of my mouth and I ate that pancake believing I was healed. Pre-healed Sara would have felt immediately sick and lethargic after eating a pancake, full of wheat, eggs, and milk, but I felt fine. Later I put milk in my coffee and ate a little cheesecake thing my friend had made, and I felt fine, because I am healed. Jesus healed me. What’s even better is that not only did He heal me from reactions I have when I eat those things, He also healed me from the everyday, not so great feeling that I didn’t even realize I had. When you’re allergic to as many things as I was allergic to, you get small quantities of them without even realizing it. I didn’t even recognize that overall I hadn’t been feeling very good until now, having been healed and feeling even better.
I feel like God is teaching me what it is to have faith. I thought I had faith before, but in the last few weeks He has shown me that I spoke of faith, and at moments I exercised it, but I didn’t really walk a life of faith. I think many Christians talk about faith, but we will only have faith in things that we can picture how they would happen. God’s ways are higher. He can do far beyond what we can even imagine. If I don’t believe God for those things and walk in a lifestyle of faith, what’s the point? That is where I’m at right now. It’s a little nerve racking because if I believe God for things that He will have to do the supernatural for, that means that my worldly mind would suggest it’s possible I will be disappointed and they won’t happen. But if I allow myself to let that keep me from exercising faith for things that are supernatural, then what is the point in following God at all, I’m no better off than if He weren’t my God. I have to choose to believe.
Almost two years ago I was tested for food allergies, and discovered that there were very few things that I could eat that my body would react to. I had allergies to gluten, eggs, dairy, soy, nuts, and pineapple. Over the last two years I quit eating those things and quickly saw a difference in how I felt. I was able to recognize the reaction my body would have when I would eat those things, or even eat a very small amount of them without realizing it.
Recently I have gone through a process of recognizing God’s power more and more and have come to believe that he wants to heal people. Even so there was this disconnect between other people and myself. Eventually I realized that part of it was an idea that God wasn’t going to heal me from food allergies because my reaction isn’t very visible to other people, so I didn’t think it would bring Him that much glory if I was healed because others would just have to take my word for it, and I wasn’t sure they would. There came a point where God showed me that he wanted to heal me because he loves me. Even with that realization I still couldn’t bring myself to receive the healing He was offering. Every so often my friends would comment that I needed to be healed, and in my mind I would think, “yeah, you’re right, eventually I’ll get there.”
So yesterday I went to Euclid House prayer and near the end we started asking if anyone had things they wanted prayer for. It was about 8am, the time I would normally head out, but I felt like the Holy Spirit was telling me I needed to ask for prayer. So I stayed, but I kept thinking about what to say because I came to the point of realizing that if God is real, and if I believe what he says than I actually have to believe Him and walk it out. I couldn’t muster the courage to ask for prayer to be healed because I knew I had to fully walk in faith and not doubt if I did. So I finally told the group that I believed God could heal, but hadn’t been able to receive healing for myself. I love my friends. They just took my confession that I haven’t been able to receive healing, and they surrounded me, laid hands on me and declared God’s healing of my food allergies. As they prayed I knew that if I believe God to be who He says, then I had to agree with them and then walk as one healed.
After prayer we ate pancakes. For the first time in two years I ate a pancake. I let only declarations about healing come out of my mouth and I ate that pancake believing I was healed. Pre-healed Sara would have felt immediately sick and lethargic after eating a pancake, full of wheat, eggs, and milk, but I felt fine. Later I put milk in my coffee and ate a little cheesecake thing my friend had made, and I felt fine, because I am healed. Jesus healed me. What’s even better is that not only did He heal me from reactions I have when I eat those things, He also healed me from the everyday, not so great feeling that I didn’t even realize I had. When you’re allergic to as many things as I was allergic to, you get small quantities of them without even realizing it. I didn’t even recognize that overall I hadn’t been feeling very good until now, having been healed and feeling even better.
I feel like God is teaching me what it is to have faith. I thought I had faith before, but in the last few weeks He has shown me that I spoke of faith, and at moments I exercised it, but I didn’t really walk a life of faith. I think many Christians talk about faith, but we will only have faith in things that we can picture how they would happen. God’s ways are higher. He can do far beyond what we can even imagine. If I don’t believe God for those things and walk in a lifestyle of faith, what’s the point? That is where I’m at right now. It’s a little nerve racking because if I believe God for things that He will have to do the supernatural for, that means that my worldly mind would suggest it’s possible I will be disappointed and they won’t happen. But if I allow myself to let that keep me from exercising faith for things that are supernatural, then what is the point in following God at all, I’m no better off than if He weren’t my God. I have to choose to believe.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Refocusing
It's been about a month now since I've been back in California. Yet again I see God's faithfulness and wonder why I ever bothered or bother to fear what is in store. Japan was such a blessing in how God provided for me that it was difficult to leave. While there I not only had a strong community, but I felt that God really just worked on me and my heart. I know that he is always transforming us, but it seemed as though he spent my time in Japan to just totally form my heart and mind. While I'm not entirely certain of why God took me to Japan, outside of where he seemed to be directing me prior to Japan, I believe that a big part of it was to take me so far away from what was normal and take me out of the business I had been experiencing to just hear from him and return more intentionally. I knew when I got back to the states I didn't want to just ease into my same comfortable life that I was living before, I wanted to come back totally focused on serving wherever God wanted me.
So here I am. Already I realize that no matter where we are it is easy to lose sight of what God has for us. I have to keep refocusing and checking myself...asking myself if I'm really seeking after God or if I'm just doing what seems to me like a good "godly" thing to do. It's funny though, because God isn't letting me get too far from having my focus on him. Every time I start to have a wrong mindset he does something to remind me.
When I was preparing for my return I began to apply for teaching positions. The life I pictured myself living involved investing in the community I'm living in and also teaching at a school that is underprivileged. Before I had gone to Japan I was told of a couple teaching opportunities and encouraged by administrators and personnel to apply for them. I didn't understand it at the time. Why would God put these opportunities before me when I was already headed for Japan. After sending out over 25 applications and only hearing back from a hand-full, all rejections, I began to understand. God is totally capable of giving me a full-time teaching position, but he has chosen not to. So I recognize that he has a different idea of what I'll be doing here and I have a lot of peace about substitute teaching this year and having the time and flexibility that comes with it, but last week God kind of checked in on me to see if I was really recognizing what he was doing.
I had a phone call last Tuesday from a principal in a district where I had put in an application for a high school position. She said they had a middle school opening (my age preference) and wanted to know if I was interested in interviewing. I told her yes, of course. I was immediately excited about this possibility. It was the district where I had done student teaching, not exactly underprivileged, but I was familiar with the curriculum, the school, and would be able to work on getting the next level of my teaching credential. However, I quickly realized what the job would actually mean. Quick preparation for the school year starting a week later, long days of work, 140 students, hours of prep-time and grading,etc. etc. I wouldn't have the time I'd recently been envisioning to become more a part of the community I live in. I started questioning if the job was really something I should consider. To make a long story short, after a lot of prayer, a number of conversations with different people and a roller coaster of emotions I came to realize that even if I was offered the job, I'd have to turn it down. I began to pray for rejection...haha. I'm thankful that school started today and I never heard back after the interview. You must understand how ridiculous this is. Right now, no teacher in their right mind would turn down a teaching position. Coming to that decision was a process and I think that's why the whole thing happened the way it did. Now I get to go into this year intentionally. I'm not subbing because I'm waiting for a full-time position and it's just an in between, I'm subbing because it's what I should be doing right now, because it is giving me a blessing of time. I don't quite know how to explain all of it, but I'm thankful for the way God has allowed me to process through what I'm doing.
The Godly Woman
I have also been realizing lately that there are aspects of my identity as a Christian woman that I didn't realize... That didn't make a lot of sense so let me explain. While I was in Japan there came a point where I had a bit of an identity crisis. I had never been around a lot of Christians that really blatantly believed that woman and men have very distinct roles in the church and life, at least not Christians that I respected. While I was in Japan, I encountered a few and it threw me for a loop. I grew up in liberal Portland, in a loving Christian family that just didn't hold those views. Eventually I came to the conclusion, for a second time, that I didn't need to have the women/men thing figured out, I just needed to seek Jesus and trust him in what he's asked me to be a part of and do. I need to simply find my identity in being a chosen one of God, in being his servant.
Well, since being back I have worked through some other ideas that I didn't even realize had crept into my life. In many ways God has brought me through a process of gaining confidence in just being his. I feel he has been setting me free to live more focused on him and more secure in him. I've had a couple experiences after getting back where I realized that somewhere along the way, growing up in Christian culture, that I am not always free to love and be loved by my brothers in the church. Through some interesting conversations and experiences I realized that I believe many in the church are bound by paranoia that creeps in as we are inadvertently taught to fear relationships as brothers and sisters in the church. Instead of some recognizing that on an individual level they need to be careful and give only the Christian side hug, it is taught that that is the only safe hug to give. We are taught to fear how spiritually intimate we get with someone and as a result we are hardly even free to pray for one another, bearing each others burdens. Friendships are therefore made difficult as pressures of marriage are silently placed upon them by the Christian society because of these ideas that first one cannot really be simply just friends, and two if you are good friends then why not just go for it and be a couple because all Christians ought to get married. I am probably taking this to a bit of an extreme but I'm just realizing that this is how I have experienced Christian culture. This does not apply to all Christians or all churches, but I would argue that the ideas are not uncommon, and I think that because of them, we really miss out on gaining from each other both insight and just a familial kind of loving support. And then there is the idea of the role of women that I didn't even realize I had been effected by until I heard comments that I realized I'd never heard before.
While in university I received a few messages. One was that I was just as capable as any other, male or female, and the second was that while I was just as capable, as a Christian woman, I probably wanted to get a good education, but really deep down I just want to get married and have children. Now the truth is, I have come to realize that indeed I do really want to get married, but I'm in no hurry and I genuinely believe that I'll be just fine if God has something else in mind for my life. I won't feel like any less of a person. But I do believe that it is totally possible that a Christian lady could choose to not get married or have kids. I don't think there is anything wrong with this. However, when a professor made the comment to me that I ought to continue on to a PhD and how working for a university is great and gives a lot of flexibility if I chose to have a family or if I chose to be single and travel, I was taken back. Other than from my Dad, I had never her a Christian man suggest that a woman might choose something other than marriage. This was an interesting realization, but an even more shocking realization I had was yesterday. I went to listen and support a friend that was speaking at a university's chapel. He's someone that I respect as a person that really desires to honor God and grow closer to God. He was speaking on identity and at one point he said that there was a story in the Bible that he really resonated with. He then shared the story of Mary and Martha and said that he resonated with Martha in this story as she was really a doer and Mary was more able to just be. Now the message itself was good, but what struck me was that as he compared himself to Martha I realized that in all my years of being a Christian that is the first time I have ever heard a man compare himself to a woman in the Bible. I certainly have heard women talk about how they resonate with a man in the Bible and I think nothing of this, I do it myself, I think the Bible is more meant to talk about the hearts of the people in it than anything else, but I have never heard a Christian man compare himself to the heart of a woman in the Bible or her character. I just found this awareness interesting. I'm not sure if it's necessarily a bad thing, I'm still processing through it. I do believe though, that in some respects, we have things a little distorted, but thankfully our God is a gracious God and he continues to grant us wisdom and insight to see him more clearly.
It's been about a month now since I've been back in California. Yet again I see God's faithfulness and wonder why I ever bothered or bother to fear what is in store. Japan was such a blessing in how God provided for me that it was difficult to leave. While there I not only had a strong community, but I felt that God really just worked on me and my heart. I know that he is always transforming us, but it seemed as though he spent my time in Japan to just totally form my heart and mind. While I'm not entirely certain of why God took me to Japan, outside of where he seemed to be directing me prior to Japan, I believe that a big part of it was to take me so far away from what was normal and take me out of the business I had been experiencing to just hear from him and return more intentionally. I knew when I got back to the states I didn't want to just ease into my same comfortable life that I was living before, I wanted to come back totally focused on serving wherever God wanted me.
So here I am. Already I realize that no matter where we are it is easy to lose sight of what God has for us. I have to keep refocusing and checking myself...asking myself if I'm really seeking after God or if I'm just doing what seems to me like a good "godly" thing to do. It's funny though, because God isn't letting me get too far from having my focus on him. Every time I start to have a wrong mindset he does something to remind me.
When I was preparing for my return I began to apply for teaching positions. The life I pictured myself living involved investing in the community I'm living in and also teaching at a school that is underprivileged. Before I had gone to Japan I was told of a couple teaching opportunities and encouraged by administrators and personnel to apply for them. I didn't understand it at the time. Why would God put these opportunities before me when I was already headed for Japan. After sending out over 25 applications and only hearing back from a hand-full, all rejections, I began to understand. God is totally capable of giving me a full-time teaching position, but he has chosen not to. So I recognize that he has a different idea of what I'll be doing here and I have a lot of peace about substitute teaching this year and having the time and flexibility that comes with it, but last week God kind of checked in on me to see if I was really recognizing what he was doing.
I had a phone call last Tuesday from a principal in a district where I had put in an application for a high school position. She said they had a middle school opening (my age preference) and wanted to know if I was interested in interviewing. I told her yes, of course. I was immediately excited about this possibility. It was the district where I had done student teaching, not exactly underprivileged, but I was familiar with the curriculum, the school, and would be able to work on getting the next level of my teaching credential. However, I quickly realized what the job would actually mean. Quick preparation for the school year starting a week later, long days of work, 140 students, hours of prep-time and grading,etc. etc. I wouldn't have the time I'd recently been envisioning to become more a part of the community I live in. I started questioning if the job was really something I should consider. To make a long story short, after a lot of prayer, a number of conversations with different people and a roller coaster of emotions I came to realize that even if I was offered the job, I'd have to turn it down. I began to pray for rejection...haha. I'm thankful that school started today and I never heard back after the interview. You must understand how ridiculous this is. Right now, no teacher in their right mind would turn down a teaching position. Coming to that decision was a process and I think that's why the whole thing happened the way it did. Now I get to go into this year intentionally. I'm not subbing because I'm waiting for a full-time position and it's just an in between, I'm subbing because it's what I should be doing right now, because it is giving me a blessing of time. I don't quite know how to explain all of it, but I'm thankful for the way God has allowed me to process through what I'm doing.
The Godly Woman
I have also been realizing lately that there are aspects of my identity as a Christian woman that I didn't realize... That didn't make a lot of sense so let me explain. While I was in Japan there came a point where I had a bit of an identity crisis. I had never been around a lot of Christians that really blatantly believed that woman and men have very distinct roles in the church and life, at least not Christians that I respected. While I was in Japan, I encountered a few and it threw me for a loop. I grew up in liberal Portland, in a loving Christian family that just didn't hold those views. Eventually I came to the conclusion, for a second time, that I didn't need to have the women/men thing figured out, I just needed to seek Jesus and trust him in what he's asked me to be a part of and do. I need to simply find my identity in being a chosen one of God, in being his servant.
Well, since being back I have worked through some other ideas that I didn't even realize had crept into my life. In many ways God has brought me through a process of gaining confidence in just being his. I feel he has been setting me free to live more focused on him and more secure in him. I've had a couple experiences after getting back where I realized that somewhere along the way, growing up in Christian culture, that I am not always free to love and be loved by my brothers in the church. Through some interesting conversations and experiences I realized that I believe many in the church are bound by paranoia that creeps in as we are inadvertently taught to fear relationships as brothers and sisters in the church. Instead of some recognizing that on an individual level they need to be careful and give only the Christian side hug, it is taught that that is the only safe hug to give. We are taught to fear how spiritually intimate we get with someone and as a result we are hardly even free to pray for one another, bearing each others burdens. Friendships are therefore made difficult as pressures of marriage are silently placed upon them by the Christian society because of these ideas that first one cannot really be simply just friends, and two if you are good friends then why not just go for it and be a couple because all Christians ought to get married. I am probably taking this to a bit of an extreme but I'm just realizing that this is how I have experienced Christian culture. This does not apply to all Christians or all churches, but I would argue that the ideas are not uncommon, and I think that because of them, we really miss out on gaining from each other both insight and just a familial kind of loving support. And then there is the idea of the role of women that I didn't even realize I had been effected by until I heard comments that I realized I'd never heard before.
While in university I received a few messages. One was that I was just as capable as any other, male or female, and the second was that while I was just as capable, as a Christian woman, I probably wanted to get a good education, but really deep down I just want to get married and have children. Now the truth is, I have come to realize that indeed I do really want to get married, but I'm in no hurry and I genuinely believe that I'll be just fine if God has something else in mind for my life. I won't feel like any less of a person. But I do believe that it is totally possible that a Christian lady could choose to not get married or have kids. I don't think there is anything wrong with this. However, when a professor made the comment to me that I ought to continue on to a PhD and how working for a university is great and gives a lot of flexibility if I chose to have a family or if I chose to be single and travel, I was taken back. Other than from my Dad, I had never her a Christian man suggest that a woman might choose something other than marriage. This was an interesting realization, but an even more shocking realization I had was yesterday. I went to listen and support a friend that was speaking at a university's chapel. He's someone that I respect as a person that really desires to honor God and grow closer to God. He was speaking on identity and at one point he said that there was a story in the Bible that he really resonated with. He then shared the story of Mary and Martha and said that he resonated with Martha in this story as she was really a doer and Mary was more able to just be. Now the message itself was good, but what struck me was that as he compared himself to Martha I realized that in all my years of being a Christian that is the first time I have ever heard a man compare himself to a woman in the Bible. I certainly have heard women talk about how they resonate with a man in the Bible and I think nothing of this, I do it myself, I think the Bible is more meant to talk about the hearts of the people in it than anything else, but I have never heard a Christian man compare himself to the heart of a woman in the Bible or her character. I just found this awareness interesting. I'm not sure if it's necessarily a bad thing, I'm still processing through it. I do believe though, that in some respects, we have things a little distorted, but thankfully our God is a gracious God and he continues to grant us wisdom and insight to see him more clearly.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
adjusting - the little things
For the most part I feel like God's favor has been on me as I've been adjusting back to life in the States. It's kind of funny though how some things remind me of Japan or make me miss it.
This morning my friend poured me a "mug" of coffee. I'm telling you, everything is smaller in Japan - doorways, mugs, houses, clothes, people, streets, cars - and this morning I felt like I was drinking coffee out of a soup bowl, actually I think this cup is bigger than the miso soup bowls they serve in Japan.
I enjoy the feeling of being in the midst of a conversation that isn't in English. Being back these conversations are usually Spanish rather than Japanese. I like the feeling of having to try to figure out what is being said, understanding words here and there and just observing body language and context. It's this odd challenge that I like. I do miss hearing the sounds of the Japanese language though. Whenever I'm around Asian people that aren't speaking English I get a little excited hoping they'll be speaking Japanese, but I've yet to over hear a Japanese conversation, I guess most of the Asians around me are Korean. Oh well. I do love the diversity of Southern California.
I've had some free time since I've been back here and I've been loving that some of my friends have had some as well, which has meant random hangouts and adventures. This makes me think of and miss Japan. I mostly miss the friends I ventured with there and the new places we'd go, but I also miss things like the trains to get us there, rather than the hours of LA traffic. Everywhere seems so far when you have to drive. In Japan everywhere I went involved either walking, biking, or a train, which somehow made things feel closer. Pretty much all of my friends lived only minutes away so spontaneous hangouts were easy to plan and I was never lacking someone to talk to. These are things that I miss about my life in Japan. But I am fully enjoying getting into the swing of my new life here.
This morning my friend poured me a "mug" of coffee. I'm telling you, everything is smaller in Japan - doorways, mugs, houses, clothes, people, streets, cars - and this morning I felt like I was drinking coffee out of a soup bowl, actually I think this cup is bigger than the miso soup bowls they serve in Japan.
I enjoy the feeling of being in the midst of a conversation that isn't in English. Being back these conversations are usually Spanish rather than Japanese. I like the feeling of having to try to figure out what is being said, understanding words here and there and just observing body language and context. It's this odd challenge that I like. I do miss hearing the sounds of the Japanese language though. Whenever I'm around Asian people that aren't speaking English I get a little excited hoping they'll be speaking Japanese, but I've yet to over hear a Japanese conversation, I guess most of the Asians around me are Korean. Oh well. I do love the diversity of Southern California.
I've had some free time since I've been back here and I've been loving that some of my friends have had some as well, which has meant random hangouts and adventures. This makes me think of and miss Japan. I mostly miss the friends I ventured with there and the new places we'd go, but I also miss things like the trains to get us there, rather than the hours of LA traffic. Everywhere seems so far when you have to drive. In Japan everywhere I went involved either walking, biking, or a train, which somehow made things feel closer. Pretty much all of my friends lived only minutes away so spontaneous hangouts were easy to plan and I was never lacking someone to talk to. These are things that I miss about my life in Japan. But I am fully enjoying getting into the swing of my new life here.
to begin again
I’ve spent the last week and a half settling in to my new home. Yesterday I finally took the last few things out of my bag and put them away in my room. It is strange to think that I have arrived at a home that isn’t in some way temporary. I have no idea what the future looks like and where God will lead, but for right now this is where He has me and my settling in. When I was at Biola I always planned to move back to the Northwest, and then in Japan I planned to move back somewhere after the year, but this time, I’m just here, waiting and resting for whatever God has planned. A couple days ago I went to the DMV to change my car registration and driver’s license. The guy at the registration counter told me I would need to surrender my Oregon plates to the lady at the other window. I laughed a little to myself as I thought about what he’d just said to me. For the fiver years prior to Japan, I never would have considered surrendering to California. But here I am, and I find it quite exciting.
I still don’t have a full time job, but there are very few moments when this actually worries me because God has proved to be so faithful in my life, and in bringing me here that it seems ridiculous to question why I don’t have a full time job yet. I do have a part time tutoring job that I’m thankful for, and I’m trusting that God will provide something so that I can pay my bills. I have this feeling that He’s also providing me with a lot of time that He’ll put to use as well. Who knows.
Speaking of provision, I don’t know that I ever mentioned how I’m living exactly where I’d hoped to live, but where up until a month or so before I moved back, there wasn’t a spot for me. It’s been an adjustment being back here in a totally different place from where I was before when I lived here, but it’s been really good. When I went to visit Oregon before moving down to California, it felt so incredibly normal, it was like Japan had been some sort of dream, but here it feels unfamiliar, like life really is changing and it’s exciting.
I live in a neighborhood that's predominantly Latino and so far I love it. There is a lot of life here. Lots of kids around and neighbors outside playing music. It’s kind of fun in that in some ways it feels like my experience in Japan and in some ways it’s opposite. The lively music is part of the opposite feeling from quiet Japan, but feeling a little like a minority and hearing people not speaking English feels similar to Japan, in a good way. It gives me an odd sort of feeling of comfort. I feel a little out of place, but that feeling feels normal to me.
I think one of my favorite things about being back, aside from just getting to settle in and feel kind of grounded, not like I’ll be up and leaving soon, is getting to reconnect with friends. Of course we’ve all changed a bit over the last year, but some of my fears of how it would be trying to reconnect, are gone. I’ve felt quickly accepted back into the group, even by those new people that are now friends of my friends. I thought I’d miss the adventuring I did all the time in Japan, but there are adventures to be had here as well. It’s been especially nice to have some time while looking for work, to just be. Not have work, and not having internet at my house, has given me the chance to slow down a bit. I’ve enjoyed being able to read and journal without the temptation to waste time on the computer. And I’ve had the chance to meet up with people without having to worry about a work schedule. I think that pretty soon this much time won’t be so enjoyable, but I’m believing that God’s going to provide things to do with my time so that I won’t have to worry to much about getting restless.
Anyway, I just thought this blog was long overdue. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I begin life here, serving God and loving people. Pray for a source of income to pay my expenses, pray that I’ll be able to love those that God has placed around me, and pray that God would direct as I want to be a support for the ministry my friends are a part of in the neighbor (solidarityrising.org).
I still don’t have a full time job, but there are very few moments when this actually worries me because God has proved to be so faithful in my life, and in bringing me here that it seems ridiculous to question why I don’t have a full time job yet. I do have a part time tutoring job that I’m thankful for, and I’m trusting that God will provide something so that I can pay my bills. I have this feeling that He’s also providing me with a lot of time that He’ll put to use as well. Who knows.
Speaking of provision, I don’t know that I ever mentioned how I’m living exactly where I’d hoped to live, but where up until a month or so before I moved back, there wasn’t a spot for me. It’s been an adjustment being back here in a totally different place from where I was before when I lived here, but it’s been really good. When I went to visit Oregon before moving down to California, it felt so incredibly normal, it was like Japan had been some sort of dream, but here it feels unfamiliar, like life really is changing and it’s exciting.
I live in a neighborhood that's predominantly Latino and so far I love it. There is a lot of life here. Lots of kids around and neighbors outside playing music. It’s kind of fun in that in some ways it feels like my experience in Japan and in some ways it’s opposite. The lively music is part of the opposite feeling from quiet Japan, but feeling a little like a minority and hearing people not speaking English feels similar to Japan, in a good way. It gives me an odd sort of feeling of comfort. I feel a little out of place, but that feeling feels normal to me.
I think one of my favorite things about being back, aside from just getting to settle in and feel kind of grounded, not like I’ll be up and leaving soon, is getting to reconnect with friends. Of course we’ve all changed a bit over the last year, but some of my fears of how it would be trying to reconnect, are gone. I’ve felt quickly accepted back into the group, even by those new people that are now friends of my friends. I thought I’d miss the adventuring I did all the time in Japan, but there are adventures to be had here as well. It’s been especially nice to have some time while looking for work, to just be. Not have work, and not having internet at my house, has given me the chance to slow down a bit. I’ve enjoyed being able to read and journal without the temptation to waste time on the computer. And I’ve had the chance to meet up with people without having to worry about a work schedule. I think that pretty soon this much time won’t be so enjoyable, but I’m believing that God’s going to provide things to do with my time so that I won’t have to worry to much about getting restless.
Anyway, I just thought this blog was long overdue. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I begin life here, serving God and loving people. Pray for a source of income to pay my expenses, pray that I’ll be able to love those that God has placed around me, and pray that God would direct as I want to be a support for the ministry my friends are a part of in the neighbor (solidarityrising.org).
Monday, July 5, 2010
Some closing events
Nao and I after our dive.
Exploring underwater Japan.I find myself with only a short time left in Japan. As the school year was coming to an end I thought I'd take the following months, before returning to the states, to do some traveling, see the things I've been too busy to see. Considering I don't know the next time I'll be in Japan I wanted to take advantage of my remaining time here, traveling companions or not, and see the sights. Well, it's been about three weeks since school ended and I've found that my ideas have changed. Maybe if I had come to Japan with big hopes of seeing certain things, or maybe if I had come with the mindset of a tourist, but that was not the case, this is simply home, and just like when you leave any home, the thing you miss the most are people. I haven't filled my days with big trips, or really any trips at all, instead I find myself just wanting to be with my friends, and around what is familiar and what will soon be distant. This is not to say I'm sitting around doing nothing. Last Saturday I spent a lovely day at the river with my friends Isaac, Josh, and Satsuki. My intention was to go swimming no matter how cold, but my body was not able to numb fast enough for me to enjoy the icy river water, so instead I sat with Satsuki and watched Josh and Isaac. I love living so close to such a nice river and mountains. We took a nice walk along the river bed and it was so beautiful.A couple weeks before this I got see my dear friend Drew get married to his now wife Megumi. The ceremony was beautiful, and their lives are and will be a sweet testimony to a loving God.
My finally events of Japan include it's heights and depths. Last Monday Nao and I went to the depths. After a year of thinking to myself that I needed to plan a scuba trip before returning to the states, I finally did. It was particularly fun because my friend Nao came also and tried diving for the first time. We went to Izu Oshima island (very near Tokyo proper) and had a fantastic time diving and experiencing rural Japanese island life. Absolutely everyone we encountered was extremely kind. I had expected the island to be rather touristy, but was pleasantly surprised to find that other than the omiyage (souvenir) shops, the island was not so much touristy as it was country. It's hard to find a place in Japan, any where near where I live, where you can't find a conbini (convenient store), but there weren't any on this island. We were picked up by the dive company, Global Sports Club, from the ferry and driven up a narrow windy road with maybe one traffic light, to the shop where we were fitted with our rental equipment. While the day had started out looking gray, the sun was breaking through for us. I filled out a paper, put on my bathing suit and was quickly put into the van with two dive guides and a 60-something year old man that is a regular. Nao had a briefing while I went on the first dive. The water was incredibly clear and there was all sorts of sea life to be seen. Some sort of small sand shark, some eels, nemo fish, box fish, what looked like a sea spider, and tons and tons of other fish and sea creatures that were pointed out to me as we swam along. After the first dive we headed back for lunch and a rest. The second dive was with Nao. I must say that I was very impressed by her courageous spirit. When I first went diving I was super nervous, and even this time I was a bit nervous at first. Nao was mostly just excited. Anyway we spent some more time seeing underwater Japan. There was even a tree that had been arranged underwater for some sort of Japanese festival that happens in July.
The rest of our Izu Oshima trip was great. Nao was a great traveling companion. We had dinner with some people from the dive company and were given added little extras from the restaurant owner, a free bowl of soup and some Japanese snacks, in addition to our meal which included various local dishes made from fish caught near by and seaweed harvested from where we dove. This was followed by a guided night hike with someone from Global Sports Club, and we got to see glow in the dark mushrooms. We then headed back to our tiny inn, laid out our futons on the tatami floors and went to bed. The second day was meant for local sight seeing, but we quickly discovered that there weren't many sights to see. We headed for a gate and ruins on the tourist map and found a gate and grass. We had tea at a bed and breakfast and we were served tea in the large cups (so we could sit a while and enjoy the lady told us) with a complimentary piece of cake. Everyone was so nice. We took the 45 bus to the lookout sight only to ushered back onto the bus we'd gotten off of when the man about to serve us lunch realized the next bus we planned to take wasn't running anytime soon (thankfully the driver didn't charge us for the return ride because we'd been confused). We then headed for the port and meandered around the beach there. The trip was wonderful.
My next stop is the heights of Japan, Fuji-san. While I often just jump on board with things like this without proper preparation, I am learning. I think my 100km bike ride taught me a lesson. So Ashley and I, and a few others have been doing some training and getting equipment for Fuji. I've discovered that certain activities are made significantly more enjoyable with the proper equipment. Like that bike ride...sure would have been nice to have padded biking shorts. So for Fuji I have made some purchases and am doing some training. Today we took practice hike number four. I now have pretty much all the equipment I plan to buy and we have been trying to get more in shape. I was very pleased to discover that our 900meter mountain hike (about 1/4 of Fuji) was not so bad and went much better than the first time I did it a few weeks ago. My feet were happy in my hiking boots and socks (hadn't expected proper socks to mean so much, but they are amazing), my sweaty legs were cool in my moisture wicking tights, my body was hydrated with my convenient hydration pack, and the hike was made slightly easier with my nifty trekking poles (they also have great engrish on them that makes them that much nifty-er). I know Fuji will be a challenge but I'm feeling good about it and am pleased with how the preparation is going.
After Fuji this Friday I will have a little over a week left here. I still can't believe how quickly time has passed, but I also feel like God has done a lot in me and through me during my time in Japan and am very grateful. I think my biggest fear is just that the people here won't realize how much they've meant to me when I leave them for the states. People ask why I'm leaving, if I like Japan, and it is difficult to explain that I love Japan and I love them, that isn't it at all, I just have to follow what I think God has shown me and that is to return to CA. It's not a matter of which place I like more, I love both places and the people in both places, but right now I need to head back. I guess I will just have to leave them in God's hands and trust they will know they are loved.
As for California, I'm getting very excited to be returning and being able to spend time with my friends there. There are still a lot of unknowns, but I have such a faithful and gracious God that I'm really not very worried. I trust He is doing the necessary work as He calls me back. So now I will soak up the time I have left, and pray that God will continue to prepare my way back.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Spirit Week
Pajama Day...
Crazy hair day...
It is the last week of school at Grace Christian International School. When Ashley suggested a fun backward themed day we all jumped on board and declared a spirit week for our final time with the students. Today students came in walking backward with their uniforms on backward. We set up the chairs for chapel facing the back of the room and have had quite a lot of fun making as many things backward as we can think of. Personally I came to work with my shirt and jacket on backward and my hair pinned the opposite direction as usual. I'm thoroughly enjoying the opportunity to let my inner crazy teacher out...actually my students would probably tell you that it's not an inner crazy so much as an outer crazy...haha. I have fun. The spirit week will continue with a crazy hat/hair day, pajama day, and imitate a teacher day.
As the school year comes to a close I find myself with very mixed feelings. While the year has had its challenges, and I've had to adjust to a totally different teaching setting from what I'm used to, I am so thankful for the way that God has allowed me to be a part of my students' lives. Today I had the students write evaluations for me, and they were kind enough to offer suggestions for future classes, but I was also so encouraged by positive comments they made, showing me that indeed, God has used me to be a blessing in their lives. Not only have they learned skills and ideas related to Language Arts, but their characters have been impacted throughout the year. I will certainly miss my students.
When the school year is over that will put me at only 39 days of Japan left. I can't believe it. I feel like time has flown by, but I also feel like I've been here for ages and there is a certain familiar feel to life that will be missed when I leave. I can't wait to be back with some of my friends in the states, and am looking forward to eating Mexican food, sitting in a coffee shop with a book, and laying out on the beach, but I will miss the friends I have made here, the river near my house, the easily obtained sushi, and the feeling of accomplishment after successful communication to someone who can't speak English.
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