Random Ruminations

Lately one word to sum up my emotional state would probably be confused. Questions like, "Why does God have me here?" "How much time does God desire I spend on learning Japanese and ministering to those in the community, and how much am I to devote to my students and the church and ministering to them?" "What is my role as a woman in the church?" "How can I best honor God in the relationships I have formed here?" have been swirling in my mind for weeks, and there came a point a few days ago when they just felt heavy.

Really I'm a bit of a hypocrite. I always am telling people not to worry, but simply to live following what you do know about what Jesus has called you to. I believe that in Christ there is freedom and I desire for others to realize that, really really realize what that means. But somehow I lost sight of that. I allowed myself to get weighed down by worry that I'm not doing or understanding what Christ has called me to. Part of me still knew that really I just need to trust that as I seek to follow God he will lead, but there was something in me that was telling me I needed to figure it out and that if I didn't I might miss what God is calling me to.

So yesterday I decided to email a professor I had while I was at Biola. One of the things that was holding my thoughts so tightly was this idea that as a women, I needed to figure out what my role was in the church. What do those verses really mean that talk about women in the church? So I email this professor knowing that he studies the Bible in such depth, and really seeks to understand what it means within the context it was written. So I emailed and asked his thoughts. I really kind of thought he would give some sort of really conservative Christian answer, but what he said to me was, that the most important label we have is "Servant of God." That is how we are to live. We are to use the gifts God gave us in whatever way God asks us. The rest falls to the side. I really needed to be reminded of this. We love to label things, and put people in boxes, but that's not how God works.

My current goal, is to stop worrying and just to live as a Servant of God each day.

"Baby, I was born ready...."

I biked to Haneda Airport....here's me at the finish line (though actually the half way point, had to bike home) and here are our bikes by the trail as we took a brief rest.



My dear Aunti, whenever asked if she's ready, always responds, "I was born ready," and that's a mentality that I tend to have. I'm always ready for an adventure. Yesterday this kicked me in the butt. A while ago my friend Drew mentioned that he thought it'd be fun to bike to Sendai sometime and camp along the way. I like biking and I like camping so I thought it sounded like a great idea and promptly told him this. Ever since then we've been dreaming of a fun bike ride and trying to rally a group of people to join the adventure.

Sendai is about 300km from where we live. This means that we need some serious training before we go and now that we both have decent bikes we thought we should give a longer bike ride a shot. So yesterday we had the bright idea of biking down a trail by the river to Haneda Airport. We took some snacks and beverages and hit the road at about 9am. Well Haneda Airport is quite the treck. Turns out it's about 50Km each way. Oh my word! I hurt! But the worst part was not being sore today...it was the ride home. We made it to Haneda just fine, and really the trip was pretty enjoyable, we saw some interesting things along the way like a baseball team of old Japanese men, a guy riding one of the bikes that has a really big front tire and a really little back one, and of course people practicing various instruments in the park. We even got a wave and a konichiwa from a the baseball coach of some young boys, all riding past on their bikes while we had stopped to eat lunch. But after 5 hours to Haneda we weren't exactly itching to hop back on our bikes and ride home. However we had no choice so we climbed back onto our bikes and began the long ride back.

The first hour or two wasn't terrible and we then stopped for a good dinner at Denny's. This was a Denny's like you've never been to. They may have had french toast, but other than that it was fully Japanese, haha. Rice, miso, udon...Anyway the hardest part of the ride, and the part where I thought to myself, "what the hell were you thinking?!" was after that when it was dark, about 6:30 and we still had a good three hours ahead of us. My rear hurt like you wouldn't believe...my bike's saddle is HARD! And my legs were feeling a bit fatigued. Really the worst of it was the time we had left ahead of us and my uncomfortable bike seat. I also now understand why cyclists wear the funny looking clothes. The spandex would have been nice and breathable and easy to move in, not to mention the behind usually has a little extra padding that I would have appreciated.

Anyway, we did make it back at about 10pm. Learned that there are some things you simply were not born ready to do. Taking a 100km bike ride without working your way up to it, is a very bad idea. Although I am thankful that by the grace of God, when I'm really stressed or tired things become very funny, so while my body has been hating me since about half way through the day yesterday, up until the moment I am writing this, there came a point yesterday where I just found everything funny. And really, it was a fun advenute at many points.

I am currently reevaluating the potental 300km bike ride that would also require 300km home and at least six days of what we did yesterday. Maybe once I recover I will be up for training for it. We'll see.