All I wanted was a whiteboard eraser.

A couple days ago I took a trip to the store with my friend Drew. Our classes are in desperate need of new white board erasers and we thought it might be nice to get in a little bike ride as well. So we hopped on our bikes and headed for the home goods store about 25 min away. This store is huge and has a little bit of everything from lumber to puppies. We took our time browsing and then decided we really ought to find the erasers. Upon entering the stationary section we noticed an older Japanese man who walked to the end of the aisle at about the same time we entered it. Moments later this man yelled something down the way. Neither of us were paying too much attention, assuming he was simply yelling for a family member. But the yelling continued and he got a more irritated sound in his voice. After no one had responded to his first few yells he looks directly at Drew and yells something with such intense anger that Drew walks over very close to me and we decide we ought to relocate. So as we walk toward the other end of the aisle he yells again and Drew then tells me, "he thinks we are spies." We both give a nervous laugh and continue to walk away from this crazy man. (You may want to note that no one around us is responding in any way to this scene.) We exit the aisle and start walking left, and the man walks parallel to us and continues his angry yells and accusations of us being spies. So we attempt to lose the man and walk to the back of the store, near the tables that have heaters under them to keep you warm. It appeared that we had lost the crazy man. We spent a couple minutes in the back of the store, in a bit of shock, commenting to each other about the absurdity of the situation. Figuring the crazy man must have moved on to complete his shopping, we move toward the front of the store, constantly looking over our shoulders and peeking around corners as we go. To prove the point that indeed, we are not spies...we were unsuccessful at being inconspicuous and were spotted again by the crazy man who again pointed and yelled in fury. This motivated us to move very quickly back to the back of the store. After cowering by the bedding section for a while we decided we really should attempt an escape and this time were successful at making it to the cashier and exit without being spotted, although we had no erasers in hand. It was quite the interesting visit, being incredibly odd, quite frightening, and also very funny.

This incident did leave me thinking a bit about racism. The last 4 years of my life God has shown me a lot about how racism is still quite present in the states and is ever so present among Christians. I have begun to see how my thought processes were influenced by growing up in a society that really still favors white middle/upper class in many ways. My heart has been opened to see the need for those who follow Christ, to come along side one another and support and encourage those of all races in such a way that truly allows us to be one body of Christ. I have realized that I can not simply not be racist, I must be willing speak against those who are. But there is a part of me that knows that while I can sympathize with my "minority" brothers and sisters, I can never truly empathize. I grew up white in a safe suburban neighborhood with an intact family receiving a middle class income.

When I first got to Japan I heard about how the Japanese love to have tourists, but aren't too keen on more permanent foreigners. They are polite, but not necessarily welcoming. It occurred to me that here I might have opportunities to gain a better understanding of being a minority. Now I imagine it would be quite different if I lived here for 20 years and was still having people treat me like a stupid gaijin (foreigner), but at this point I find myself realizing that I will never truly understand what it is to face systematic and personal racism.

I got stopped on my bike by the police once because I'm white. It was when I had first come to Japan and I was a new foreign face in the neighborhood. But aside from arriving to my destination a few minutes later than if I had not been stopped, I was not really even inconvenienced. The officer was incredibly polite and seemed genuinely curious about who I was and why I was in Japan. The other day I got in line to wait for a train and the girl in front of me (the only other person in line) switched to a different longer line moments after I stood behind her. There was an open seat by me on a fairly crowded train and a couple friends who got on the train clearly had a difficult time deciding who ought to sit by me and who would sit in the seat across the way. I clearly made them feel uncomfortable, and not until I closed me eyes, pretending to doze, becoming a less threatening person, did any of them sit down by me. I got angrily accused of being a spy and no person intervened. But I still will never understand. You see in all these situations, there was no doubt in my mind that I am a valuable person. For 23 years of life my family, friends, classmates, and society have communicated to me that I have worth, I am intelligent, and I am worthy of respect. I have always been taught that I am just as good and capable as any other person. Heck, I grew up in Portland so I was taught that I'm not even limited by being female. So when someone calls me a spy with such an intense anger I don't doubt he may come after me, I never doubt my worth or my significance in the world. It rolls off all the years of positive messages and is left as a funny, yet adrenaline increasing experience in my mind.

I never will really understand. Part of me almost wanted to have this crazy man convince the security guards that I was a danger, so that I would be unjustly taken in and then treated unfairly etc etc so that maybe I could taste a bit of what it is to live out being discriminated against because of my race, but then again, that would have been incredibly scary and I'm very very grateful that was not the ending, and even then I'm not sure I would have understood what it is to live under racism daily. I never will be able to understand. Even when people treat me as a stupid foreigner it's something like, "oh wow... she can use chopsticks? how did she ever acquire such a difficult Japanese skill?" I don't know what it is to have to prove myself when applying for a job simply because I'm black. I don't know what it is to have people accuse me of being an illegal immigrant and taking American's jobs, because I am Latina. I don't know what it is to have someone call me names and tell me I'm a horrible criminal because I'm Latina and my family chose to escape the poverty or maybe even war in a native country and come to America. I don't know what it is to be the nameless "other" on the survey box as an Asian, or to have people assume my intelligence or interests based on my race. I don't know what it is to have police or FBI frequent my restaurant, "checking in" because my family is Middle Eastern. I will never understand. I want to be a voice of compassion, reconciliation, change, unity....but I am the face of those who persecute and I grew up being the favored "majority." I will never really understand, and I can't blame the minorities for fearing to place their trust in me.

2 more pictures :)

These people very quickly became my family. This is the international group from church.

Pounding mochi. mmmm....

More Hamamatsu Pictures

Pastor had the various small groups stand in front of the congregations and dance and sing the Japanese version of Father Abraham. It was so funny, but also a cool picture of freedom.

New Years sports day on the mountain. The guys of the losing team had to go in the icy cold pond.

The Japanese style hotel room. The futons were in the closet.

Fun dolphin show at the Nagoya aquarium.

Shion, Josh, and I.

Some pictures for Hamamatsu and Nagoya

Shion's family took us to dinner. One of many delicious and very very filling dinners. Shion's dad is sitting on the right side and he is the pastor at the Hamamatsu church.

I am wearing a name tag with my name in Katakana.

These kids are playing rock-paper-scissors. It's very popular in Japan among all ages and is used for making various decisions, such as which small group has to do the dishes after dinner.

This is one of the many Christmas parties I attended. Pastor Tetsu dressed up as Santa, the slimmest most Asian looking Santa I've ever seen.

Holidays in Hamamatsu

So a month or so after I arrived in Japan I realized that the environment I'm in isn't really conducive to really learning Japanese. I speak English all day with my students, many of the church members speak English, and my housemates speak English. I realized that I'd need to be in a different setting to really be immersed in Japanese. So when my friend Drew told me about a church he'd been connected with in Japan that had some cool stuff going on and was very culturally Japanese and filled with mostly Japanese speakers I decided that I wanted to spend some time there to get immersed in things Japanese. I ended up spending a large part of winter break at this church in Hamamatsu. After two and a half weeks as a part of the Hamamatsu church family I am now back at my house. My time in Hamamatsu was so much more than I had expected and has left me feeling unable to express how deeply it impacted me.

All I had really wanted was a place to listen to Japanese and a place to be during the holidays so that it wouldn't feel so lame being away from my family, but what I got was graciously welcomed into a church body that is so full of life and joy. I don't even know where to begin. I guess I will just try to give some little snipits from my time, though I doubt it will do it justice.

My friend Josh and I both went to try to learn some more Japanese. We were greeted by Drew’s friend Shion, the son of the pastor of the Hamamatsu church. While we were there we actually spent time at two churches, one in Hamamatsu and one in Nagoya. When we were in Nagoya we helped Shion with English classes he teaches, and we participated in the Christmas party for the English students. This was one of I think 5 Christmas parties we attended while there. While we were at the other church we participated with the international people small group, and we basically helped out wherever they needed help. We also spent 4 days at a New Years camp with the church.

Some highlights from my time with the church:

*I love mochi and while I was there I got to help make mochi. You have to pound the hot mochi rice and then make it into little balls. It was so fun and later, I think it was on New Years, we had a mochi lunch with all different kinds of mochi.

*Shion showed us around Nagoya and we went to the aquarium and saw a dolphin show. This was followed by a little shopping and then a short break in a coffee shop. The coffee was delicious, but the best part was just sitting down with a couple friends, enjoying good conversation over a nice cup of coffee. They don’t really have coffee shops in the area I live, and this was a treat.

*I stayed in a very Japanese style hotel for New Years camp. The room I was in I shared with 5 other ladies and it was a big tatami room (the rooms with the grass mats).

*I was given Japanese citrus fruit from the Nagoya pastor and his wife and told to put them in my bath. I was told, mostly through charades and a little translation from Shion that I am to fill the bath at 44 degrees Celsius, crush the fruits in the bath and make sure to splash it on my face as well so that my skin can still be so beautiful when I am 90 as the pastor’s mothers skin. He was poking her face at this point to show me how beautiful it is. So I took a hot relaxing, citrus fragranced bath.

*I got to talk with people from Japan, Brazil, the Philippines, Peru/New Zealand, and China. We did church together and as a people from various nations and languages, we praised Jesus together in Japanese.

*God blessed me with my own room and a western style bed to fall into at the end of the day.

*Many of the church members gather every morning at 5:30 to pray together. Many of the days I went out of a feeling of obligation, but I was always really glad I was there and it was a great way to start the busy days.

*I ate an unbelievable amount of really delicious Japanese food. I tried nato and fish eyes, and about every other imaginable Japanese dish. I was in a constant state of fullness.

My favorite part of the trip was being welcomed into the church family. During the last morning prayer meeting the pastor called us up to have us share a little with the group, and to pray for us. He then told us that we were to consider that church our home base in Japan and told us that we always were welcome to come visit whenever we had a chance.

The church is so full of life, passion, and joy, and I felt myself being refreshed as I lived in that environment. The pastor had been spending time teaching about humility and how we need to be willing to tear our hearts, tear the old wine skin, so that we can receive the new wine skin, the blessings. I saw a group of people who had faith that indeed it would be better if they humbled themselves. In a shame-based culture, where people usually do what they can to avoid bringing any shame to themselves or their families, people were standing before the church repenting and exposing their weaknesses and mistakes. Men were standing up and weeping before their church family apologizing to their wives for becoming so hardhearted after loosing their jobs. It was so incredible to be a part of and I felt overwhelmed that I was allowed in. It’s hard enough to stand before those you know, but I was welcomed in as family. I was not treated as a visit, I was engaged and loved.

There were a number of times when I felt completely overwhelmed with gratitude to the Lord. Before I came to Japan, as I was trying to decide if I should actually come, there came a moment when I realized that there was nothing holding me back except fear. I was even totally aware of what I was afraid of, but I was able to say I was coming when I felt they Lord was telling me he would provide, financially, relationally, etc. He has been so faithful, and I realize that spending the Holidays in Hamamatsu was a part of that. I don’t think I even realized how much I was in need of being refreshed and revived, but I did and that was how God provided. He put me in a place where I was praying every morning; where I was witnesses people being free from shame, and sin, and fear; where I felt very genuinely cared about and loved; where I got to feel completely excited about the work that God is doing in that church.

I enjoyed talking with Emasan and receiving hugs from her. I loved that when her husband spoke of the troubles they’d faced the last year and apologized to her and the church, the Lord was gracious to me and allowed me to sit next to a woman I’d only known for two weeks and put my arm around her and share in the moment. I enjoyed the 1 ½ long car rides from Hamamatsu to Nagoya where I got to talk with Shion and hear about how the Lord has taught him as he’s lived in the US and returned to Japan, and hear about the cool stuff the church is doing. There is always something happening at the church. There are people that live at the church that were once homeless and now have come to know Christ. They have been given back a sense of dignity and are serving the Lord. There are people who work in the mornings but then attend Bible classes at the church every afternoon. Every week the church members seek to bring church to those who can’t or wont attend on Sundays and they go out into homes reaching nearly 1000 people who wouldn’t be connected to the church otherwise.

I know that I have done a poor job at given a good representation of my time in Hamamatsu. Much is left out, and some probably doesn’t really make sense, but I was so blessed to be there, and am so thankful. God is so very good.

A few last thoughts. Being away from what has become normal life in Tokyo I had the chance to reflect a bit. I realized that I still don’t know exactly why the Lord has me in Japan, but at least a part of it has to do with people, and putting various people in my life, and me in theirs. I want to be careful that I honor that purpose and am intentionally showing Christ to those I’m with. God also reminded me of what he’s given me passion for and I think he’s giving me direction about where he wants me next year, and partly what he wants me doing.

Please pray with me that God would continue to guide me. That he would give me strength and motivation to make the best of this year. Pray that I would have vision for what God is setting before me for next year.

I also have been very burdened to be praying for an organization my friends are a part of in California. I’d love it if you’d partner with me to pray for Solidarity (solidarityrising.org). The organization is committed to living out Christ in a community that Christians often shy away from. Within a community dealing with gangs, violence, poverty, and broken homes, they are seeking to practically show Christ’s love. Pray for them, that the Lord gives them strength and favor to continue doing His work.